Chaotic Neutral...or maybe just chaotic

The bestest honey ever!!

2008-12-02T20:53:00.001-08:00

and I don't mean the kind from bees...

I arrived to dance early tonight thinking that I would study some. I found that K2 got there even before me... yay - better than studying!!

John missed dinner and was a bit late for lunch... and I would have been nervous, yet okay if binsteaj didn't keep reminding me that the last time John missed a dance practice he was in the hospital. (This includes the day before his prolonged illness, and the week afterwards before he completely recovered.) I kept reminding her (and myself) that as an emergency contact, I probably would have already been called.

We went up to the dance room, and I started teaching Rostiboli - in my own way. You know, no actual italian steps named! John arrived just after the completion of the first section. And, although I tried to hand over the class right away, Aaron was having none of that and made sure I finished the dance I started. I didn't do 1/2 bad for not teaching in two months and not teaching alone in... well a scary amount of time.

John gave me my holiday/birthday gifts. A figurine of Lenore (squee) and the promise of a new violin bow. Oh SQUEE!!!! This man knows me. :) :) :)

My brain literally shut down for the rest of the night. I couldn't remember dances; I couldn't find the beat. I couldn't even remember things that I wanted to talk to John and Lorcan about (different things). My brain was far too gone in the happy. Thank you honey!

Lenore is already out and is perfect to every detail, including Raggamuffin being eaten by the python.

http://www.tfaw.com/Toys/Profile/Lenore-Vinyl-Figure___286522
We also had some nice talking time afterwards, which was definatly good. And, plans were made for the weekend.

pachabel....

2008-11-29T07:47:00.001-08:00

Star Wars

2008-11-04T20:26:00.000-08:00

"So this is how democracy ends: with thunderous applause."
Padme Skywalker

Dates

2008-09-14T13:01:00.000-07:00

It dawned on me that I haven't been posting the recent dates here. So I figured I'd bring you up to speed quick.

This Weekend:

'Yay! Water!'

Friday I was up all night updating my website. YAY! http://www.originsofplayforddance.com

Saturday I got my packages from FedEx and the post office. I have to learn just to send things to work.

Then D and I met my friend marchoops and her boy down at Cape May. I had forgotten my swimsuit so - with lots of support from marchoops and D - I bought a bikini and cute little wrap. I was surprised by two things. One how utterly COMFORTABLE I was and two, how well it held up as we swam in the ocean. Finally! I have met someone who loves the water as much - if not more - than I do. :) I didn't think that it was possible.

We even got to see DOLPHINS! Whole pods! They were jumping, and swimming, and doing the splashy things with their tails. This was the first time I could see them without glasses. It was full of awesome!

Then we came back to my place and I cooked dinner - (my favorite quick and dirty meal: herb stuffed steak, with corn, and biscuts).

This morning we got lunch at my favorite cheese-steak joint: Slacks Hoagie Shack. And neither of us got cheese steaks. Heck, I only got two appetisers. They give a LOT of food. And I knew there was no way I could eat an entire cheese-steak.

We saw Burn After Reading. It was good, though not what I was expecting. I thought it would be more of a Spies like us type of movie. Instead it followed an intricate web of several different people - and has a good lesson: mind your own business, it's safer. It was funny and a bit Being John Malcovich ish. There were a few twists and turns I wasn't expecting. And the guy who places the shrink on Law and Order has the best one liners.

Tonight, I'm having sushi with my friend T. It's been a long while since we had a good hang out.

It's been a really good weekend. :)

Last Weekend:
Friday I went out with John, Chelle, and Edward. We went to fudruckers, where I had a fudruckers burger for the first time since I was 10. I'm impressed. They're very good. Usually I just get their fries because I remember not liking their burgers, and that they would fill me up too quickly. The 1/3 lb was just right, though it did fill me up quickly so that I couldn't completely enjoy the fries. But, that's okay. It was a really good burger!

Afterwards, we went to see the Dark Knight. It was really freaky. And, even though he's dead, I think Heath Ledger should receive an award for the role. It was superb. And, of course, Christian Bale and Gary Oldman made the movie. Large amounts of wow. It did make me kind of sad though. Having nothing to do with the movie. The loss of Heath Ledger really bugs me. He did such wonderful things for all sorts of people, and was a brillant handsome young actor to boot. So so sad.

Saturday the four of us headed up to barleycorn. Unfortunatly, it was really wet and humid... hot in the day, yicky in the evening. If I had been smarter, I would have brought my homework. I didn't want to move. I spoke to a few friends and put in bids (though didn't win anything) during the auction for the Royal travel fund.

Finally got to thank Rachel, for a very kind and honest talk she had with me at war. It changed my life for the better, and made me feel like I wasn't so alone and not everything in life had to be so extreme.

Unfortunatly, I forgot to tell Ed &Chelle that Rachel was receiving her AOA at court. I sort of remembered that she had to be there, while she and I were talking, but it didn't dawn on me to pass it along. I didn't realize about William's until John told me at court. I may have known that too, but there were other more important things going on in my life, so it got forgotten.

But, it was cold, wet and rainy, so really, if John hadn't initiated the walk to court, I probably wouldn't have gone either.

Though the look on William's face when his name was called was priceless. I really wished I had brought my camera. Those would have been sublime pictures.

I was a little annoyed at feast. William &Rachel, Heather, Judith, John, and myself were supposed to sit together. Yet again, the group got separated. John & I sat with very friendly total strangers. It's a good way to make friends, but we were told that the 6 of us would hang out between removes... I guess I shouldn't have been surprised that we didn't. But, it was still disappointing.

Dancing afterwards was nice. Good friends. And good memories - including getting prompted to teach Gracca and translating. Rachel prompted me with the steps, I taught them in english (mostly) so that others could do the dance, even when they didn't know the 16th century steps by name.

I didnt' realize that Rachel and I worked so well together. It was really refreshing.

We left late, and John was able to drive us out of the city...thank goodness. Then he took me up on my offer to take over. I needed a vivrin and some pepsi, and Edward to talk to me... but I was awake and able to drive us back to my place. And, John got some much needed rest. It's nice that his car handles like my Nissan used to, so it really wasn't difficult to drive... not like when my friends say "Here drive my 4x4/SUV."

Labor day weekend:
I had a great! weekend. I had a total girls night on friday with wobbleyweeble where we both dyed our hair different color reds. Mine is more like a red frost. Her's is very 80's rocker-ish, where it looks almost black in the shade, then a dark cherry red when the light hits it. Whoo hoo!

Saturday, I got together with Ed and went to NYC. We went to the Met and looked around. And then to the Natural history museum where I saw REAL stradivari... stradivarius's... whatever... 3 There were THREE!!! I still get all happy and jumpy and giddy when I think of them. I mean how can you not? THREE!!!!

Then I saw John and went out for dinner that night. It was a very nice night. We hung out at his place, which was AWESOME! Not only did we watch Dogma, which I like thinking of as the nicer version of Constantine, but between having more books than most library's and the COOLEST lego collection I have ever seen... I was in Mecca. :) It makes me want to take out my Lego's and play again. Actually I'm looking at them now... I may have to just on principle.

Sunday I had a few hours of 'me' time, where I took - and failed an exam. I am currently arguing with my school because I'm certain that while not an A, I certainly passed with a C.

I went shopping for K-man's birthday present, where I had way too much fun shopping. WAY too much fun.

I went to gaming, but wound up having a few hours of 'girl time' with one of the players wives instead. Then I left early and hung out with D. We watched Serenity, and he burned me a copy of my favorite CD (used to be my favorite casette) since it's out of print now. I'm SO excited! I have been looking for this CD for over 7 years. I can't stop listening to it. It's like an addition. THANK YOU!!!!

Monday we went to K man's birthday party. We had a really good time. It was great seeing everyone, and finding out interesting information on friends I've had for a while. Honestly, if we didn't have to work the next day, I could have seen us staying much later. It was just so comfortable.

That's it for now.

But next weekend he's taking me to Cirque du Soliel. We're staying over night in princeton and then going to the Scottish Festival at the Renn Faire. :)

Barleycorn 2008

2008-09-07T14:19:00.000-07:00

Friday I went out with D, C, and E. We went to fudruckers, where I had a fudruckers burger for the first time since I was 10. I'm impressed. They're very good. Usually I just get their fries because I remember not liking their burgers, and that they would fill me up too quickly. The 1/3 lb was just right, though it did fill me up quickly so that I couldn't completely enjoy the fries. But, that's okay. It was a really good burger!

Afterwards, we went to see the Dark Knight. It was really freaking. And, even though he's dead, I think Heath Ledger should receive an award for the role. It was superb. And, of course, Christian Bale and Gary Oldman made the movie. Large amounts of wow. It did make me kind of sad though. Having nothing to do with the movie. The loss of Heath Ledger really bugs me. He did such wonderful things for all sorts of people, and was a brillant handsome young actor to boot. So so sad.

Saturday the four of us headed up to barleycorn. Unfortunatly, it was really wet and humid... hot in the day, yicky in the evening. If I had been smarter, I would have brought my homework. I didn't want to move. I spoke to a few friends and put in bids (though didn't win anything) during the auction for the Royal travel fund.

Finally got to thank R, for a very kind and honest talk she had with me at war. It changed my life for the better, and made me feel like I wasn't so alone and not everything in life had to be so extreme.

Unfortunatly, I forgot to tell E&C that R was receiving her AOA at court. I sort of remembered that she had to be there, while she and I were talking, but it didn't dawn on me to pass it along. I didn't realize about W's until D told me at court. I may have known that too, but there were other more important things going on in my life, so it got forgotten.

But, it was cold, wet and rainy, so really, if D hadn't initiated the walk to court, I probably wouldn't have gone either.

Though the look on W's face when his name was called was priceless. I really wished I had brought my camera. Those would have been sublime pictures.

I was a little annoyed at feast. W&R, H, J, D, and myself were supposed to sit together. Yet again, the group got separated. D & I sat with very friendly total strangers. It's a good way to make friends, but we were told that the 6 of us would hang out between removes... I guess I shouldn't have been surprised that we didn't. But, it was still disappointing.

Dancing afterwards was nice. Good friends. And good memories - including getting prompted to teach Gracca and translating. R prompted me with the steps, I taught them in english (mostly) so that others could do the dance, even when they didn't know the 16th century steps by name.

I didnt' realize that R and I worked so well together. It was really refreshing.

We left late, and D was able to drive us out of the city...thank goodness. Then he took me up on my offer to take over. I needed a vivrin and some pepsi, and E to talk to me... but I was awake and able to drive us back to my place. And, D got some much needed rest. It's nice that his car handles like my Nissan used to, so it really wasn't difficult to drive... not like when my friends say "Here drive my 4x4/SUV."

Today - studying and violin. :) Sounds like a good day to me.

I may have to order a pizza too... Yum!

For those of you (kelly) who have wanted pictures, go to my flickr account:

Barleycorn 2008
http://www.flickr.com/photos/21156775@N03/sets/72157607167865831/

Squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

2008-05-15T14:33:00.000-07:00

Yes, I am a published author.

Oh, and did I mention cover story?

Dancing at your renaissance wedding

Yup that's me!

SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Me

2008-03-27T20:03:00.000-07:00

Which Victorian Stereotype are you?
created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as The Artiste

You like cafes you can't afford and clothes you don't wash. You love to "epater la bourgouisie" You'll show everyone someday- your parents, the academy, that whore who turned you down on the street... Now, if only you could afford socks.

Test by www.MollyCrabapple.com

A Tramp

58%

The Artiste

58%

The Cad

38%

The Lady

33%

So, I visited with a friend of mine this past weekend. He has what I've always secretly wanted: an upper class bohemien lifestyle. Now, before you shake your head too much, let me tell you it's possible. He is an artist, but by no means starving. He's renting to buy a 5 bedroom 2 full bath home in North Jersey - right by the Garden State Plaza. The house is cute outside and immense inside. He's got two roomates, and the three of them are fixing up the home for $ off the rent/mortgage. He teaches art classes out of his home or in others; he's a tattoo artist and does freelance artwork. He's knowledgeable about current events and situations. He's got a good head on his shoulders and is well read. And most importantly, he hasn't main-streamed.

I'm envious. I had to main stream, so I did. But, I look at him and while I get excited for him, I can't help but secretly wish that I could have made that life work for myself too.

I'm too old and grounded now to want to quit everythng and make music work for me ... besides the fact that I'm not good enough at music for it to work for me.

However, I did come home and start ripping through my apartment, getting rid of everything I have just because it's what I 'should' have. Books, movies, clothing, nik-naks, all are being sold off in my 'spring yard sale'.

I have pictures of just about everything, and will be listing things here, and online. If you want it, claim it.

I can't believe it took talking to a friend I've had for 26 years - REALLY talking - to make me realize, that I'm okay. And my style is okay. And I don't need to totally mainstream to be okay. And, yes, I say this being in the SCA, because although it's an interesting hobby, and my morales are my own, I still have and do things so that outside people will perceive me as normal. WTF!?

Pictures from Wicked Faire

2008-02-12T20:19:00.000-08:00

Went to wicked faire with redshimna and woodwindy to see Rabbit Stampede play. They were good - as per usual! :)

Was sitting next to this goth guy - what a surprise!, and we were talking about the band, the type of music, you can always tell where the 'family' is, that he liked my fairy costume, etc. He was nice and very gentlemanly. Then I look at his table. Yea, that would be Voltaire - the artist who wrote my theme song: when you're evil. I really like the rest of his work on his live album too. (not to mention the autograph!)

So, anyway, here are the pictures you've been waiting for.

This are my friends Akeriea and Wendy.

Me, Wendy and Dan

Me, Wendy, and Dan

Free hugs campaign

2008-02-01T21:16:00.000-08:00

My first video. Hope you see it.

Someday I'd love it if you could come out with me. Hugs are good. Something (I think) we both agree on.

FREE HUGS CAMPAIGN

2008-01-17T11:49:00.000-08:00

Free Hugs Campaign information: http://www.freehugscampaign.org/

Sometimes, a hug is all what we need.

Free hugs is a real life controversial story of Juan Mann, A man whos sole mission was to reach out and hug a stranger to brighten up their lives.

In this age of social disconnectivity and lack of human contact, the effects of the Free Hugs campaign became phenomenal.

As this symbol of human hope spread accross the city, police and officials ordered the Free Hugs campaign BANNED. What we then witness is the true spirit of humanity come together in what can only be described as awe inspiring.

In the Spirit of the free hugs campaign, PASS THIS TO A FRIEND and HUG A STRANGER! After all, If you can reach just one person

How it all started:

I'd been living in London when my world turned upside down and I'd had to come home. By the time my plane landed back in Sydney, all I had left was a carry on bag full of clothes and a world of troubles. No one to welcome me back, no place to call home. I was a tourist in my hometown.

Standing there in the arrivals terminal, watching other passengers meeting their waiting friends and family, with open arms and smiling faces, hugging and laughing together, I wanted someone out there to be waiting for me. To be happy to see me. To smile at me. To hug me.

So I got some cardboard and a marker and made a sign. I found the busiest pedestrian intersection in the city and held that sign aloft, with the words "Free Hugs" on both sides.

And for 15 minutes, people just stared right through me. The first person who stopped, tapped me on the shoulder and told me how her dog had just died that morning. How that morning had been the one year anniversary of her only daughter dying in a car accident. How what she needed now, when she felt most alone in the world, was a hug. I got down on one knee, we put our arms around each other and when we parted, she was smiling.

Everyone has problems and for sure mine haven't compared. But to see someone who was once frowning, smile even for a moment, is worth it every time.

Why Did it get banned?

Public liability fear and red tape. But its all okay now! Make sure tocheck your local laws before embarking on your Hugathon!

Special Thanks

I would just like to thank Sickpuppies for their incredible song "All the Same " which the free hugs campaign video would have never been the same without.

For their music visit www.sickpuppies.net !

FREE HUGS AROUND THE WORLD!!!

Original Campaign Video:

Free Hugs NYC

Free Hugs Korea

Free Hugs Amsterdam

Free Hugs California

Free Hugs Scotland

Free Hugs Austrialia

Free Hugs China

Free Hugs Israel

Free Hugs Peru

Free Hugs Venezuela

Free Hugs London

Free Hugs Italy

Free Hugs Budarest

Free Hugs Tel Aviv

Free Hugs Canada

Quick catch up

2008-01-04T18:32:00.000-08:00

So, the Friday before Christmas I went up to my dad's house in Middle Earth. (really the poconos but with road names like Rivendell Drive, Old Took Road, Gollum Caves, Hobbit Road, and Mirkwood Ave (to name a few) it's become Middle Earth) The house is gorgeous! I know he's so proud of himself, and he should be. He kept telling me that he's glad I like it because I'm going to inherit it someday. When Zac complained, Cathy's response was - 'Well you can buy her out of her half then.' He was none too pleased, but we decided to see where each of us are in life 40 or so years from now, and we'd make a decision then.

We went exploring, which was fun with dad - though both Cathy and Zac were whiny whenever things didn't go exactly there way. (picture energizer bunny beating things with hammer <-- been doing this a lot lately)
I introduced Zac to cinniamon and sugar covered almonds. :) We had pizza and watched O Brother Where Art Thou? It's hysterical if you ever get the chance to watch it. It's Zac's favorite movie after Scarface.
Cathy was good until she decided to verbally attack me by saying that I was nothing and have done nothing and have nothing because I don't have a 4 year degree - and that she doesn't want my brother to be a screw up like me. I snapped. I tore her up one side and down the other. My grandmother just sat there. My dad just sat there. I think they were surprised that I snapped. And what pissed me off even more is that she was so calm and cool about it. She just sat there with this malicious grin (oh look I found a hot button) and shrugged saying, "well I want better for my son." I haven't wanted to hit someone so badly in years. If I had my car (I took the Greyhound) I probably would have left.
Otherwise tho, it was a lot of fun.

Christmas Eve and Christmas Day I was on my own. No family (unless you count 8 minutes on the phone). However, Christmas Eve I contacted my friend kier_wyldwynd and we went to see Sweeney Todd. It was FABULOUS! I can't get it out of my head! Loved it, loved it loved it. Now I want to read the book, and see all the other variation and read the history. Yee Rah! We went to Denny's and just hung out afterwards. It was awesome.

The day after Christmas I went down to Williamsburg with justinian_t and his wife. Met t_bard and suba_al_hadid down there.

Lots of dancing. Lots of talkign about dance... sorry t_bard and suba_al_hadid, but you kept asking questions with long complicated answers.

Agreed that I belong on the island of misfit toys...with them! ;) who all wants to join us? I'm the doll that dances ECD! lol

Saw some good shows, though I'd like to get back to see a few more.

And MOST important (in fact why I missed some of the shows) talked to enough re-enactors to get sources and information necessary for my novel. This includes holding and being SHOWN how surgical tools were used, the differences between city and country doctors, home medicine, common medicine, science and the like. I was also given LOTS of cool resources to look up. (squee!)

New Years Eve tested myself for some medical triggers.

New Years Day - recovered from a hellish New Years Eve.

Fenced Wednesday - that was cool. Needed to be around people. And thank you ianraven for the awesome hug. I SO needed it. (still from when my car died, at night, in the cold, 100 feet from the mechanics)

Thursday was informed that my presidential candidate - Joe Biden - withdrew from the race...still trying to wrap my head around it. I take some comfort in the fact that he's the Chairman for the Senate Foreign Relations Committe... but we really need him domestically too. *sigh*

Today, just muddling through. Played the recorder a bit. MUST practice the violin later. Might go to the karaoke bar.

And that's a wrap!

BTW, I did tell him. He wasn't that interested. But he is interested in doing more things with me and Stefan (his other brother). He said it'll be like when we were kids. I like that.

Williamsburg - Day 1

2007-12-28T05:56:00.000-08:00

I miss Sandie!!! But, I"m making due...

We arrived after a 9 instead of 5 hour drive - traffic was hellish from baltimore down.

Spoke with lots of people (reenactors), found the one I wanted to take home with me, and danced with Henry Playford (son of John Playford) himself!

Of course that brought up the following statement from TC:

Pint of Guiness: $4.95
Acrylic tricorner hat: $14.95
Challenging Playford with his own choreography (cuz I did): Priceless!

Squee!

Today can't be better than yesterday. But, it can still be fun.

Oh, and Williamsburg though close to accurate still needs work in some areas...

like the hammer dulcimer/classical guitar performance - while beautiful - playing gospel and southern songs (She'll be coming around the mountain) is just WRONG!!! It actually ruined the performance for me.

The museums are nice - though they are overflowing with gift shops...that's a bit annoying.

Okay - going back out there now. :) *doesn't open until 9, and is only 3 blocks away.

Later!

swoon

2007-12-05T20:49:00.000-08:00

so excuse me as I rant, scream and have a freak out....

Okay, the last exam grade. The one that I was CERTAIN that I got at BEST an 80 on. The one that I missed seeing old co-workers and friends for for MONTHS. The one that kept me up at night. The one that had questions worth 10% of the grade on it, and of course those were the ones that I had no idea. The one I groped blindly around in the dark for........

I GOT A 100!!!!!

I got an A in Poli Sci!

Oh MY GOD!!!!

My final GPA for my 3rd semester is a 3.4.

I can totally handle this!

I have other things that are in my head, but I'll wait until later for that!

OH MY GOD!!!!!

Just for Sandie

2007-11-12T17:29:00.000-08:00

As promised

2007-11-10T08:48:00.001-08:00

Weekend Recap

2007-10-15T19:29:00.001-07:00

So, friday I told everyone at work I would be writing and doing my stupid re-do on my project this weekend...which was completed by 11AM Saturday morning.

So I did a lot of nothing - which was very enjoyable.

Then I went out to dinner with redshimna. We went to Haiku, which is a cute sushi place across the street from Pad Thai, on S. 2nd. The food was good. Tokeyo Mandarin is better, but it was worth going there. The waitress was a bit odd, kept trying to take the check - even before we'd paid!

On the way there, we passed a little street fair, and picked up the cutest little onesie for woodwindy's daughter Mina. It had a little flower fairy on it. It was funny because we both picked up the same onesie from different points of the table and went to show the other.

Found out that while walking 2-3 miles in heels is okay - doing it while any of the walk is cobblestone - not so much. Injured part of my foot. But, the injured part showed a good thing... my arches are rebuilding and aren't as fallen as they used to be. YAY for fencing!

Sunday I woke up late, and almost thought I wouldn't make faeriecon. But then redshimna said the line that got me jumping and moving: "You have to come, you have the onesie." Anybody who knows me - insert hysterical laughter here... my best friend already did!

We went to Fairiecon. Mina, woodwindy and redshimna all dressed up. Me, not so much. I wore lots of glitter on my face and did my hair up, so I at least tried to be in the spirit of things! Mina was "The Littlest Fairie", and looked so cute with her little outfit and pink sparkly wings. There is a very nice picture of me and her floating out there somewhere. I hope it comes to me eventually. (hint hint hint!)

Ended the day with some kick ass gaming. And all was good!

Today went fast. Everythign was happening at 10x the regular speed at work. I wish more days could be like this.

Then, my cell phone broke. As the emergency contact for 2 teenagers, this is NOT good. So I skipped fencing to get my phone fixed...which they couldn't do. SO... since it was time for me to upgrade anyway, I got a new phone, car charger, regular charger, belt clip, and blue tooth, as the accessories with my new not PoS cell phone. I got $50 off, so the total came to $67. WOOT! (It was either that, or they replace it with the same PoS phone for $50. I figured the extra $17 was worth it. :) - although this is a tight month and I was trying not to spend ANY extra money. Oh well... life throws curves sometimes.

Christies Recap

2007-10-09T16:55:00.000-07:00

So, as many of you know, I had a date with a friend of mine last week (Thursday), where he took me to Christies. For those of you who don't know, Christies is the auction house in Rockafeller Center. I bought the outfit, got the hair, nails and make up done, the whole bit. (The whole bit cost damn near $300, but it was really worth it. Given the opportunity, I would do it again.)

So, we got there and I was the youngest person there by at least 10 years. Then it jumped to around 30 years. Some of the ladies were sociable. Most weren't. This is not a surprise. The men were not only sociable, but downright interested in HR Trends and my company and what we're doing. I even made a business connection. (Woot)

After wowing a table with a true story about an HR incident: the parents were talking about how involved other parents are at their children's schools -both public (which surprised me) and private (which did not). They were asking if this new generation of workers worked differently because of the (sometimes outlandish) attentions that they were getting. I not only put in my two cents, but joked and laughed, and informed some of them what to expect - because I had already seen it. They were scandalized. It was cool.

I did have a little trouble getting into the conversation. They know my date, and his wife. And, although he introduced me as his friend - it was terribly apparent that I am not accustomed to living like the top 1%. However, R - a top lawyer in NYC - interjected and told them to 'listen to her, she's does human resources for a living, so she knows what she is talking about.' After that, it was smooth sailing. Needless to say, however, his wife didn't say two words to me for the rest of the evening.

I have before and after pics of me that day. The befores were taken at work - honestly, I did NOTHING to myself, no make up or styling products because I didn't want to make extra work at the beauty parlor, but the difference really is between night and day.

BEFORE

AFTER

Kingdom's crusades was good. Had a good time marshalling, and lounging - a VERY good time lounging!

Had a friend over for the weekend, that was nice. He's from Seattle and I don't get to see him often.

Today I'm so tired, I'm dead on my feet. I think I"m still recovering from last wednesday - haven't really REALLY slept since.

Considered career paths for today:
HR for non-profit
HR for corporate
Counselor at mental health facility
Counselor for family of mentally disabled patients

FREE ICE CREAM IN WEST MILFORD

2007-08-05T14:06:00.000-07:00

This is a old friend of mine from High School. She has recently started a childcare service. Even if you don't need the child care, the day sounds like fun!

Summer is winding down, temperatures are still up, and the wallet is starting to attract moths from Summer's financial impact. What's a family to do?

Come on down to our Free Ice Cream Social - August 11th, 1 - 3 p.m. at Brown's Point Park in West Milford!

This gathering, courtesy of Christine Adler Backup Child Care, is a just-for-fun celebration. Taste different ice creams (soy 'cream' if requested ahead!), play on the playground, enjoy the outdoors with your whole family, and meet other kids from around the area. Don't forget the fun challenge that the park's Frisbee Golf course sets up!

As per usual, special education/ special needs children are always welcome!

While you are there, be sure to meet with our Associates and pick up additional information about www.ChristineAdlerCare.com - and ensure last-minute care for your kids!

Come have fun with us - RSVP today to get on our ice cream list!*
http://christineadlercare.com/icecream2007.aspx

*Current clients, clients' friends and family, and other interested parties are all welcome upon RSVP.

We hope to see you there!

Christine Adler
and Associates

Nope

2007-07-30T15:34:00.001-07:00

Nope. No call back for me. That's okay. Now I can take violin lessons. Besides waiting to know was hell!

Oy!

2007-07-28T10:31:00.000-07:00

Went to karaoke to get some practice before my audition tomorrow. 1) when practicing to sing a broadway style tune - Country and pop is BAD - I'm a mezzo, I slipped down to an alto two and couldn't get out of there. AHHHH *owww*

Sat with friends. Got a really nice compliment from OS. He said I looked like a french violinist. I was like WOW thanks! Now that's a compliment I'll respond to.

So, he's not the creepy guy.

So...

At the end of the night, I'm throwing away the remains of my dinner and this dude, who I thought was creepy guy 1 all night and then realized his tattoos were different, comes up to me and says:

CG2: You're really cute.

Me: Thanks. *smile*

Introductions ensue. Then...

CG2: You're really pretty.

His sister joins in (she's an intricate part of the conversations) - Sister = S.

S: She is gorgeous. Doesn't she remind you of Lucille?

CG2: Yea, kind of in the face.

S: And Lucille used to dress like that too. And talk like this. Always very polite. Lucille was a good girl. Too bad she died so young.

Me: Well thank you. (I think)

CG2: So.. you're pretty... I mean... Sorry... you... see I'm an idiot. I just... I"m a idiot. (imagine southern hillbilly accent)

Me: It's okay. *smile*

CG2: I just can't talk to ladies. I'm so shy.

Me: It's okay. *looking for exit*

CG2: I've been looking at you since you came in.

Me: Oh? (really? I didn't notice you gawking)

CG2: I saw you looking at me

Now, as I said earlier that was because I thought he was Creepy Guy 1

Me: Yea.

CG2: Do you think I'm a good looking guy?

Me: You're okay.

CG2: *smiles* So, you're good looking and I'm good looking. We should get together. Can I have you're number?

THIS IS THE SECOND TIME I'VE HEARD THIS LOGIC!!! WHERE DOES IT COME FROM!!!???!!!

Me: No.

CG2: Why?

Me: I dont' give my number out on the first meeting.

S: He's a good boy. You should give him your number.

Me: No.

S: Why?

Me: Too many bad experiences.

S: Smart girl.

CG2: Do you want kids?

Me: No.

CG2: Are you sure you don't want kids?

Me: Yes.

CG2: You're lying. You want kids.

Me: No.

CG2: Really? Okay, well how far from now do you want kids?

Me: Never.

CG2: Really? That's great. But, why don't you want kids?

Me: Don't like them.

CG2: Well I have 2 kids and I don't want anymore.

Me: Ok.

CG2: Come on, you want kids.

Me: No

(Conversation continues for 5 more minutes)

End of the night comes.

CG2: Let me walk you out.

Me: Okay

(There are a bunch of people leaving at that time so we walk out in a crowd)

Outside:

CG2: Are you jewish?

Me: No.

CG2: You're jewish, ain't ya?

Me: No.

CG2: Oh, don't lie to me. You're Jewish.

Me: No.

CG2: You sure?

Me: Yea, I'm sure. (cuz ya know, you not know)

CG2: Nah, You're Jewish.

Me: No, I'm not.

(Repeat entire jewish conversation twice)

CG2: Well then what are you? If you're really not Jewish?

Me: *pause as my brain is screaming: DON"T SAY PAGAN!*

CG2: See, you're Jewish.

Me: No, I"m not.

CG2: Then what are ya?

Me: Agnostic

CG2: That's not even a word. Now come on. If you're not Jewish what religion are ya?

Me: (thinking: oh now I'm screwed) Let's just say I"m not Jewish.

CG2: Ok. He belches - uncovered. Then puts his hand on my shoulder and laughs.

I'm like 'get off'. And I do shake his hand off me.

S: Hey, I know a lot about the government. I"ve been researching it for 3 years and I could tell you things that would make your skin crawl.

Me: There is a lot they don't tell us.

S: What do you think of Bush.

Me: He's okay. Less of the two evils

S: I voted Kerry.

Me: I voted Nadar.

S: Oh... well if you ever want to know about Bush, you and me we gotta talk. Can I have your phone number?

Me: No.

S: I'm not giving it to him. I really want to know. I want to talk to you. I like you.

Me: No.

S: Don't you have a business card on you?

Me: No. Well I have to go. I have work in the morning.

CG2: What do you do?

Me: HR

CG2: REALLY? (okay, at least he knew what HR was, in comparison to CG1)

Me: Yea

(we exchange what he does, what I do, and no I can't get his sister a full time job)

S: I hate working part time. My brother and me, we're hard workers.

Me: I'm sure you are.

S: I'm working PT at McDonalds and I hate it, but it's better than not working.

Me: Yes it is.

S: My brother has a gift god gave him. He's a roofer and does floors and all types of things. He has his own business and is really good at it.

CG2: I make about 100K a year.

Me: Good for you.

S: We're hard workers, and we've been workign hard all our lives. It's how we were raised. Hey, do you remember hussling when we was kids?

CG2: *looking slightly embarassed* Yea

S: I mean we were always doing it right, and everything was legal, but we did what we had to to make money. Nothing dishonest.

Me: I understand you have to do what you have to do. And I have to go.

I start to leave, but get stopped by OS and P. P is another karaoke friend. Damn. Now the 5 of us are in a conversation.

CG2: Are you Catholic?

Me: No.

CG2: And you have long hair? You must be Catholic.

Me: No.

CG2: You go to church?

Me: No.

CG2: Oh. You know you come across as a snob.

Me: Okay

CG2: You look like one too.

Me: Okay.

CG2: I mean you're a real nice girl and all,b ut you come across snobby.

Me: Good.

CG2: You know i don't care about money. If that's important to you I dont' play those games and you can just go.

Me: Sounds good. Money is very important to me, and this means we're not a good match. So you can stop trying to get my number, because you're not going to get it.

CG2: Well that's not what I meant. I can support you.

Me: I don't care. Looks are everything in my profession, and I have spent a LOT of money to acheive this look. All that's important to me is thriving in my current field and I will do what it takes to do that.

S: She's an independant woman. She doesn't need a guy. She can take care of her own.

Me: She's right.

CG2: (looking depressed) Oh.

OS has figured out the problem, and is trying to get them to go so I can go home. They start talking business. And finally FINALLY, OS gets the chance to walk me to my car

S: *running after us yelling* ARE YOU A LAWYER? I NEED TO KNOW IF YOU"RE A LAWYER!!!

OS asked me out to dinner. I gave him a hug, no kiss, and I told him 'we'll see'. I doubt it. But, he's a nice guy, so we'll see.

Why I don't date...

2007-07-04T21:26:00.000-07:00

This is old, but I didn't realize that I didn't post it here.

Angry growl that is. Okay, so last night I went back to the karaoke bar. I'm still much to self concious to do slow songs, but I try to do 1 or 2 a night anyway. This time, my head voice was okay, but not as in tune as I would have liked. But there's a reason - I was nervous. But not the usual nervous. Allow me to explain:

There was a really cute guy shooting pool. I looked at him. He looked at me. He sang Motley Cru....BADLY....like ear bleeding badly. Then he sang Prestly...REALLY BADLY. Not quite as Motley Cru badly, but a close second.

So, I'm like 'yikes'. But, okay. He's having fun.

He comes over to me(I'm sitting in one of the easy chairs they have) gets nose to nose with me, so now I'm pressed all the way back and starts doing the hi, my name is thing. Introduction. Sort of...

Him: Hi my name is B. What's yours.
Me: Niki
B: You single?
N: Yea
B: Really?
N: Yea
B: No way.
N:(Exasperated) Yea
B: Cuz. You're hot
N: Thanks
B: Can I have your phone number?
N: No.

You're hot, can I have your phone number? Damn! But wait, it gets better. I'm still in the easy chair, he's sitting at a table nearby

B: What song do you want me to sing?
N: I don't care just have fun.

This confused the hell out of him.

B: Don't you have a preference?
N: Not really. Just pick something

More confusion.

(Announcer Voice): But, wait, there's more - for just 4 hours of your time, I can completely terrify you -

A woman, who's name I can't recall, comes up and sings the twist - so a bunch of us are twisting.

B: Can I dance with you?
N: Sure
B: No way you just said yes
N: Yup, I just said yes
B: Really? I can dance with you?
N: Not if you dont' start dancing with me

So we dance, turns and all. He's a good dancer.

(During the dance)
B: You're so soft
(I was wearing a pettable shirt)
N: Thanks
B: It feels like I'm in a dream.

I rolled my eyes, but he didn't see it.

We sit down and he sits next to me - in the easy chair- uninvited.

*Grump*

B: Can I get you a drink?
N: No thanks
B: No really what are you drinking?
N: I'm not
B: But you have to drink something. I"m getting you a water.

*grump*

He comes back with water in a cup. I sipped it, but only later - when I'd made friends, with someone else. Okay, so thus far, I'm sure you're like - he sounds nice. But I haven't told you the good stuff yet!

B: You're really good looking.
N: Thanks
B: Why are you single?
N: Because I don't have time for a boyfriend
B: Then why won't you give me your number
N: Because I don't have time for a boyfriend.
B: How about a friend?
N: We'll see.
B: I"m a nice guy. You're really going to regret not taking me up on this because I'm a nice guy. I have a good paying job, I have a house and I'm really into Harleys.
N: Ok
B: Do you know how hard it is to find a nice guy, whos' good looking and has a good job?
N: Yes.
B: Then why won't you give me your number?
N: Because I work and go to school full time, plus I teach dance, fence, and play in a band. I dont' have time.
B: You teach dance? What kind of lame gay fairy's are you meeting there? They're poofters! What the hell is wrong with you, dancing with those guys?
N: (good way to impress a chick - on his planet maybe) They're not ALL gay
B: Yes, they are. You just don't know how to tell a gay guy.
N: I live near Philly. I have a lot of gay friends. I can tell.
B: Why the F*&k would a straight guy dance?
N: Why do you dance?
B:
N: Because it gets the girls. Same reason you do it.

(at this point, you can consider me done with the conversation)... but he didn't -

B: Do you think I'm attractive?
N: Yes.
B: Well I think you're attractive, so there you go. We're both attracticve, we should be together.
N: No.
B: But why?
N: I don't have time for a boyfriend
B: I'd make time for you
N: I don't want you to
B: I'm from Virginia
N: Ok
B: Isn't it funny that it's my first time here and I meet you?
N: (thought: my dumb luck)
B: Do you live around here?
N: Yea
B: I'm moving here
N: Okay
B: So what do you do?
N: Human Resources
B: Like DHS?
N: (okay nothing like DHS but still...) yea
B: That's good. Guess what I do
N: (thought: clean cut, tattoos that can be covered, dresses like a dork, and no social graces) An accountant?
B: NO
N: I give up
B: I"m better than that
N: Marketing?
B: No.
N: Management?
B: No.
N: I give up
B: I'm a master mechanic. AND i'm a maitenance guy. So if you ever need anythign in your house fixed, you can call me.
N: No thanks. I have someone who helps me with that.
B: Why are you giving me the brush off?
N: You'll know when I'm giving you the brush off. Right now I'm just not interested in talking. You'll know when I'm brushing you off.

Pause to listen to J sing.

B: Have you ever dated before?
N: Yes. And been engaged twice.
B: Oh? Why didn't it work out?
N: (ad lib lie here)
B: Oh. (And he feeds me a song and dance about havign been in the same situation, only he was married.)

At this point, I start mouthing help me, to onlooking (sympathetically) women.

B: So, can I have your number?
N: NO
B: Why?
N: Because i don't want to date right now.
B: (hurt) I came here to find somebody. I've been so lost and alone,and I need someone to fill my heart with their love.
N: (giggling - I know it's mean, but I couldn't hold a straight face)
B: Why are you laughing at me?
N: I'm not that person. I'm not going to give you my number. I don't want to date. I work to hard, to put another obligation in there. If you are here to find somebody, look somewhere else. There are plenty of other single girls here. Go talk to them.

Was that unclear in any way? Did that lead him on? I thought that was blunt enough. Way beyond a clue by four into a two by four...

B: You need to enjoy your life. You should give me your phone number.
N: No.
B: You're going to regret it.
N: I doubt it.
B: You're going to have a day where you're bored, and you're going to want to go to a movie and you're not going to have anyone to go with.
N: oh no. Not that. Anything but enjoying alone time.
B: What?
N: I haven't been to a movie in years.
B: YOu have to enjoy life
N: I do enjoy life
B: No you don't
N: YES, I DO
B: But you're single. You can't be happy single.
N: I LIKE BEING SINGLE
B: No you don't

At this point, I'm ready to punch him.

N: In fact, I do.
B: What the F**k is wrong with you? You must have F**king mental problems. You've got something f**king wrong upstairs. How could you LIKE being single. Nobody LIKES being single.
N: I do.
B: Your f**ed up.

He storms off. And I meet the core group of people. And they're nice to me. And ask me if he and I are dating and I"m like NO! And I tell them whats going on. And they actually help me out. It was nice. Very nice.

He comes back, sits (now alone) in the easy chair and angrily stares at me. STALKER

Then he takes off his tee shirt to reveal a muscle shirt and asks me to watch his shirt. I let him put it down and ignored it completely.

Then he sits down at the table and starts flirting with the other girls, looking at me, trying to get me jealous. LOL! Wow, did he pick the wrong girl to try to envoke jealousy out of.

*sigh*

THEN he does the most appallign thing.

There is a sweetheart of a girl there. M. M has some sort of physical and mental retardation. Not down syndrome, but a similar look. She's SUCH a sweetheart. She asked me, if B could keep her company. I was about to say sure when C steps in and says that he and I are dating and that she could sit here, but he couldnt' sit there. (I was upset and annoyed, but then again, I didn't want him hitting on her). So she asked if both of us could sit on the couch. I was like, okay. But C said that M gets funny sometimes that that it was best she sit at the table.

Well as people started to leave, M got closer to B and I. I was fine with this. SHe and I talked, and she told me she found him very handsome, and asked if she could tell him.

I was like sure.

She taps him on ths shoulder. He looks over and sees that it's not me, and ignores her. I kick him, HARD, under the table. He glares at me and then turns to her. She tells him he's very good looking. And he snickers a thanks and turns back to the cute girls.

M looks hurt and confused. She sits back down next to me, and I tell her that it was a very nice thing she did,a nd that I"m sure it made him feel very good. She called me pretty too, and I replied in kind. She beamed. Then she said, 'you know it's not right that he's talking to those girls. he should be talking to you.' I told her it was okay, and then she got up to sing.

How hard is it to be nice to a girl who's being nice to you? What a prick!

He waited for me by the door at the end of the night. I went past when he wasn't looking and scooted out of there.

Will I go back? Sure. Will I talk to him. No. Geez. Frelling freak!

Wacky Sightings

2007-07-04T21:24:00.001-07:00

I've seen some intersting things in the past two weeks, and some of them bear repeating...

I was having a garage sale when a young man (in his 20's) picked up a book I was selling and cracked up. He showed me the book. 'I'm ok. You're ok.' He said, "I didn't understand the title. I thought it said, I'm ook, you're ook." *sigh*

I was driving on 295N with a friend of mine when we were passing a dairy truck, on which were pictures of the dairy's milk cartons. Under the picture on the front of each carton were the words "From Real Cows". *as opposed to...?*

While reading my music appreciation book, it said to use the CD that was sent to understand different forms of music. The first one they said to listen to was "Star Wars: Main Theme" - incase I hadn't heard it recently. The funny part was that was what I had been watching all day.

Another part of the music appreciation was a question on the exam. Which of these most accurately explains a pavane? a) Music sung at courtly gatherings; b) Monophoic religous music; c) polyphonic religious music; d) Dance with two beats per measure. *needless to say, I aced the exam*

And yesterday, while driving home from Jomars with my friend Jean, we got stuck in traffic. While waiting for it to clear, we saw no less than 12 cars getting into the far right hand lane, then going (IN REVERSE) up the ramp used to get onto the highway. I wish I had a camera.

THIS SUCKS!!!!

2007-04-15T13:56:00.001-07:00

oh frack. That sucks. 2 pieces of bedroom furniture moldy. :( Put the claim in with my renters insurence, but not sure how much gonna get. The furniature was 20 years old. But it was Ethan Allen.... I'm never going to be able to afford Ethan Allen again. :(

At least the bed's okay.

I hope I at least get a few hundred so I can go get something used, from the place I got my curio cabinet.

And then it's the other thing. I love dark wood. My library is in light wood. My computer table is light wood. My bed is REALLY light wood (cream). So, I guess it's light wood for me. *sigh* I guess I'm going to have to rearrange my bedroom. That'll be an interesting undertaking. :(

This so sucks.

So what happened is that the gutter stopped up, the water went around the seal of the window, and down the wall and onto the carpet. The wall is fine. They wet dry vaced the carpet so that's damp, but fine.

And now I have to wait 48-72 hours for a claims adjuster to call me, not to mention come see my stuff.

GOD THIS SUCKS!!!!!

Fast Paced Life

2007-04-15T10:47:00.000-07:00

so, it seems every time I study or do a project with law, I become sappy, emotional, and very very open. Doing my legal writing 2 project last night, i opened up to a guy friend who I don't open up to... period. Then this morning, while completing said project I told him about the dreams I had that included him and his 2 brothers - in all it's gorey sexual detail. WTF!? ok everybody has sexual dreams, but to tell the person - whom you have never had an interest in? or at least not since you were 12? GAH!!!

La LA la la la la la KABOOOM!!!! <-- brought to you by Unicef

First I finished my project and started psych.

Then I saw the Reduced Shakespeare Company - very funny

Then I went to the karaoke bar. First I sang My Immortal - my middle range went somewhere and didn't tell me it was gone, so I sucked. I also was holding the mic wrong. So it sucked. And, mics aren't your friend. They totally magnify every flaw. Ewww.

My 2nd song was Gypsies Tramps and Theives. I didn't shake as much as was a little more animated, but my eyes were closed for the most part!

Then 2 girls got up to sing Paradise by the Dashboard light, and one didn't know it. So I took her place. I had a blast! I didnt' care. I was confident. I was mobile and animated and - gosh it was fun.

They do this Friday and Saturday Nights, and so I'm going to go back next friday. I'm going to try to get back there at least 2-3x per month. :) Maybe it'll get me over my stage fright. Maybe it'll satisfy my need to sing on stage. Lots of Maybe's well have to see.

Also talked to a good friend of mine, that I haven't seen in quite a while. It was good to hear his voice again. I miss him way more than I should. Oh well...

I remember hating high school...

2007-04-03T20:07:00.000-07:00

No no, really I do remember hating it. I remember some good points, and some great friends, but mostly I remember being in bad relationships, being gawky, having no experience, no self esteem, being too smart for the 'normal' kids and too dumb for the smart kids, being anorexic, having an abusive home life, being told by my best friends I was going to hell, losing and readjusting my faith, trying to find solace in the church, and being told I was going to hell, my first suicidal thoughts, my more serious suicide attempts, running away, being told I wasn't smart enough for the guys I wanted, coming out (not so bad), swearing to fit in, being the outcast in the goths because I didn't party or do drugs, being threatened on a weekly basis...etc
Good points were definitely there - the Newsies, the outsiders, writing, friends, colorguard, literary art magazine, Tennis, starting in the SCA, great conversations on the phone... 3 musketeers... ... choir...well there was stuff
So, here I am thinking - what the hell, I'll play nice in the sandbox and become part of the alumni committee. Then I call the school - they did away with that years ago. Ooook. Now it falls on the students. So I call the place where the proms used to be (wayne manor) - nope closed up. Um... Okay, so now I'm in charge of the alumni committee for 1999. I have one girl who's already volunteered to help me, I've sent over 60 emails to try to get people onto the alumni site, I'm updating the site as I type to include the people needed from the yearbook.
Um...
I remember hating high school. How the hell did I get in charge of this?
It's weird a few people have told me to drop the project, and I"m like - well if I don't do it, it's not getting done. And I think a 10 year reunion would be nice, so let's do it. So, I'm doing it because I want to. So how crazy am I for taking this on ...including looking into fund-raising,opportunities... just because!?
I remember hating high school...

La la la la la la - la la la la la la KABOOM!

2007-03-20T21:27:00.001-07:00

Yipes!

2007-03-20T21:26:00.003-07:00

Okay - so ya all know about the new china hutch... it's close cousin can be found here: http://www.furnitureontheweb.com/NoFrame/items_direct/073585nf.html?adid=4--073585
Though there are 7 drawers instead of cabinets on the bottom.

So here's the problem - it's going to be dropped off on Friday. I don't think I can get off on Friday... I need someone to be here when it gets here. I'll leave a key with my neighbors if I have to, but I'd rather not have to!

If anyone is off work on Friday, and can let these people in and point to the wall and say 'right there' for me. That would be great!!

Thanks all!

Clubbing

2007-03-20T21:26:00.001-07:00

o, after a hard day of shopping, i had a 'hard' night of clubbing. A BUNCH of friends were there: woodywindy, redshimma, kier_wyldwynd, ruth, exilian, marchoops - it was very cool. Lots of dancing, lots of flirting, and petting. (oh no poor me!) I had a great time, and I hope everyone else did too! I also got some really great pics!

Today, I'm cleaning out my curio cabinets and possibly disassembling them. I'm also moving the stuff on my walls around so that I have room for everything. :) It's going to be so pretty! I'm thinking of having a get together next Friday - but right now I'm not sure.

Thanks to Trehearn for picking out my outfit - everybody loved it,and yes I have pictures.

Two Minute Haggadah

2007-03-20T21:25:00.002-07:00

http://www.slate.com/id/2139601/

Furniture

2007-03-20T21:25:00.001-07:00

OH my goodness! I just bought a china hutch. A real china hutch! It cost about $25 more than a corner curio unit (which I've been saving for) so I couldn't pass it up. Now I just need to sell my two current curio units, and shift things around a bit to make room for it.

Anybody available to house-sit my place this Friday? I'll give my keys to neighbors if I have to, but I'd rather someone I know be there.

Oh, anybody looking for 2 used but in like new condition Ikea curio cabinets? Cheap. $30 ea? I"ll be posting it on some yard sale lists I'm on - and Craigs list. But I figured I'd put it up here first.

K - off to post!

Temple

2007-03-20T21:24:00.000-07:00

So, my co-workers have taken to asking me what I'm doing every night because it's interesting stuff to them. Then it dawned on me that they're starting to know more about what I do than my friends. That's not good.

So, last night I went to Temple... like Jewish Temple, not Temple U. I've always been intersted as an intellectual pursuit, so I went to Temple Beth Shalom's Friday Evening Shabbot.

I was a bit late - I couldn't figure out how to get in! Then I almost walked in the VERY wrong door... then I came in after the first song...thing... okay I have no idea what I came in after!

The whole thing was in Hebrew, and was sung, and quite beautiful.

I had called friends to help me dress beforehand,but was still dressed totally wrong. I felt over dressed very very overdressed. I was one of 3 women in a skirt, and the only one in a long skirt. There were about 40 people there - 15 or so were women. They were intermingled with the men, which I found more confusing... read on for that fiasco. Most women were wearing long sleeves, but I was one of 3 with a head covering - one of which doing most of the singing to the... um... empty stage - with a table with stuff on it. No Star of David, but there was a carving of a tablet in the wall. And other than that I was lost.

Yes, I did do a head covering. I don't have a kerchief, but I do have a shawl that matched my outfit, that I was able to drape over my head and around my shoulders. Okay only person wearing anything like that. The girl singing was wearing a yamaca (excuse the spelling) and the other woman was wearing a hat.

I loved the songs/chants - dont' know what they're called. They were beautiful, and I tried to hum along at least, and say the words, as written (ebonic words were provided), I did a lot of reading. It was very uplifting. No 'You're bad and going to hell for being bad.' It was like singing a history lesson. It was neat. And pretty... so I guess it was pretty neat!

Anyway...the fiasco. I was raised in a Cathoic church, which then became a Fransiscan church. Okay. That's the background.

So I was not unprepared for the standing and sitting exercises. I was always about a beat late for the bowing... never did the bowing before, and I was quite lost when the segment would end and certain men would continue mumbling something. I was like, Uh...

There were also parts where just the men would stand. And parts where just some men would stand. I jumped, though didn't totally stand each time, except once. Oops.

Also during the Shabbot Shalom, it seemed that the men were saying something and the women something else. So I said the wrong thing a lot.

But I really liked the rabbi. He was upbeat and inviggorating, and would tranfer his speech from English to Hebrew, but I still could follow it. It was neat.

Then at the end, I waited on the side for him, and he came up and had a big smile and thanked me for coming - especially in the weather. Then he took my hand for a Shabbot Shalom, and very nicely said, "Yes, so thank you for coming. But, who are you?"

And I laughed and said my name, and that I have been pursuing Jeudism as an intellectual pursuit for about 7 years, and wanted to learn more, so I figured I'd show up." He seemed intrigued and flattered and asked me to come to the 3 hour service they were having today - which I missed. And said that I should call him and make an appointment and he'll talk to me for as long as I'd like. And I was very happy. He said that their Saturday Services would be more intellectually stimulating, but that I was welcomed to join them any Friday that I'd like.

So in the end I felt: invigorated, out of place, and very welcome. It was an odd - yet good - combination.

Also, he said the 2 minute [prayer said at Passover]. I wish I could find it. It was a hoot! Of course, not knowing that word is hindering my finding it. So if anybody does have it, could they send it to me? Also, just for saying: it took him 1 min and 45 sec to finish it!

Okay - off to AFR on Route 73 to buy furniture.

My babies turned 2!!

2007-03-11T22:17:00.000-07:00

My babies are 2!! Okay, well technically Sandie's babies are two...and one. The twins turned 2 this past friday - and Sara turned 1 last month. They're so big! And cute!!!!

I got lots of Katie and Josie luvvin's when I arrived. They looked at me and got so smiley! *heart gushing*Lots of huggin's kissin's and cuteness followed - Aunt Niki being the least of the cute!The first thing I got was a big toothy grin and a 'Hi Niki!'. :)

Then I got fitted with a proper name, "Niki-feen"

Josie is Josie-feen
Katie is Kath-e-leen
Sandie is Mommy-feen
Sam is Daddy-feenS
ara is Fwawwa-feenand I am Niki-feen

Cuteness - we're talking serious cuteness!

And their mommy didn't kill me for getting them their first 'little black dresses' - or at least that's what Daddy Sam was calling them!I also got them little easter surprises, which included bonnets, gloves, purses and bunnies - just can't go wrong with that! I have pictures, they'll get posted soon!It was great seeing everyone too. I've missed way too muchof the Russell family for way too long! :)

YAY

Stunning news...

2007-02-01T18:31:00.000-08:00

So, I came home, and baked perogis. Not stunning. But, I decided I wanted break and dipping sauce. So, I made bread from scratch, and dipping sauce - also from scratch. The bread was a little crunch - though not burnt - less than 15 min baking time next time. But it was good and I'm stuffed.

I baked, and cooked, from scratch. It was fun! :)

The Gambit

2006-10-01T08:52:00.000-07:00

In the past 2 weeks I have run the full gambit of emotions. This is why I don't post often, I'm not sure y'all could keep up with my life -- I don't think I can keep up with my life.

2 weeks ago was the demo at Wheaton Village - where I became a 'real actress'. You know - paid. Whoot! It was a wild clusterfuck of craziness, but a sucess and FUN in the end. Afterwards, a bunch of us - Dorren, Sir Ed, Justinian, Lorenzo and Ninian pitched in. Lorenzo wrote the scroll, I did the calligraphy, Dorren did the illumination, Sir Ed volunteered Dorren, Justinian volunteered Ninian and Ninian is still working on the badge - This badge is called the yellow badge of craziness. For service of making a demo come together despite all odds...and ALL odds were against him. Allow me to explain.

About 2 weeks before said demo, the acting group which was going to work with the mystic realmers, to perform the contested marriage ceremony, called and said they couldn't make it. EEP! So Arden called Ed and Dorren, who told him to call me, and then called Gregory. So, it's Arden playing the groom's father; Gregory playing the groom; me playing the bride, Ed playing the contestor, and Lorenzo playing the priest; with Dorren as my lady in waiting. Got it? Okay...now this is all figured out the Tuesday before the demo...that's 5 days beforehand.

The cast gets the script (9 pages) and starts trying to get their lines by the dress rehersal friday.... oh yea the cast gets the script on Wednesday...so that's 2 days to learn it.

On Wednesday, Gregory (groom) also gets VERY ill and is on bed rest for an unspecified amount of time. A call goes out for another groom, to which 'Jonathan' responds... we still have no idea who Jonathan is.

On Friday, we get a shorter improv script...after I've memorized my lines...oookay... Improv is good. We have the dress rehersal which becomes a round table discussion about how to pull this thing off.

Break to Sunday.

We get on site - on time- wow - and start practicing with the mystic realmers. We are told gates open at 11. At 10 the gates open. So, nobody's in their positions. Scrap part 1 of play.

People have been reassigned into positions and more people have joined. So, now the cast is:

Me- Bride - Lucrenzia (which I couldn't pronounce!)
Arden - Groom - Francesco
Ed - Contesting Groom - Lorenzo
Lorenzo - Priest (see anything that might get confusing there?)
Elthsbeth - Lady in Waiting
Justinian - Dance Master

Justinian and I were supposed to do about 5-7 italian dances - this became about 10 italians followed by about 15 ECDs and bransles. Oookay.

Arden and I do an abbreviated version of Ballo de Fiore, which I totally screw up and wind up nowhere near him at the end... D'OH!

When Ed/Lorenzo contests my marriage to Arden/Francesco - Arden begins to walk down the only stairs off of the stage to join him. I - in a dress - jump off the stage, turn to Arden and realize that my back is to the audience...D'OH! So, I yell and I turn, and I yell and I turn. One liners are said that just about stop all of us, and we're all trying not to laugh because the rest of everybody will just crack up!

I start yelling at the audience - 'You don't want to see them duel do you? NO, you want them to settle this with a more civil way...a CHESS MATCH!' So the crowd starts chanting duel. The Mystic Realmers helped us get people to the chess match.

Break to 4PM...the end of the day. Dancing is ending...thank God(s). Everybody starts packing up. The autocrat, who had been snobby to us all day comes up and asks us why we're all packing up, because we're supposed to be on until 5. What?!

So,I go back on stage, where Arden is playing and am like 'Darling? Can I speak to you?'

And he's just as surprised as the rest of us. Oookay. So another hours worth of dance later...

oy... so for pulling it and us all together, and because we wouldn't do it for anybody but him, we presented Arden with the yellow badge of craziness.

*sigh*

But at least I got paid! And Arden was very surprised.

Our event

Our event went very well and even made money. Woot! I saw a few friends from Albany. And got lots of snuggles that night, even if the airmattress did deflate, leaving us on a hard wood floor. Ouch. Next event in June. Plan on it!

Master Trahearn came out again on business. He and I danced at the Piscataway fencing practice, and he graciously took me out to dinner afterwards. He's a very nice guy. It's just hard to get to know him outside of dance, because I'm not sure what (if anything) we have in common outside of dance. Oh well. We'll see where that goes.

I saw the Burlap Lute play yesterday. Just beautiful, as always. I told them how nice it was to watch them play dance music, because usually when they're playing at events (as the Branslers) I'm yelling my fool head off! They laughed. I also bought a book, in which a fellow in 1914 copied some of the dances from Cecil Sharps's manuscript. There are several dances in it I've never heard of! Yay more researchy bits.

I also took my finals yesterday. 4 hours to do 4 exams with 3-5 long answer (8-30 lines) and 10 short answers (2-6 lines) each is just not long enough. I couldn't finish the last exam - I was 6 questions off. So IF i got a perfect score on the rest of the exam, then the highest score I can get in my best subject is a 74, which in my school is a D. I cried. A lot. I'm down to the pass or fails, which are the retests. Which means, in my 2nd semester, I will have probably gotten a C or D in everythign. I know it's just getting the degree that counts, but I Really wanted some of this schooling to be able to carry over into another school so I can get my bachelors. So much for saving time and money.

I tried to explain to Justinian that I just want to prove them all wrong. And yes, there is a them. 1 - I have one of the lowest IQ's of people I know. I was tested in kindergarden and was a 127. I was retested when I was 13 and was a 117. Nothing like not only getting dumber, but having less potential as you grow up. I want to exceed that potential. LOL - at this point, it looks like I'm not even going to live up to it.

Another 'them' is when I was a freshman in HS the principal gathered us all in to the auditorium (all 317) and told us that only 2% would ever leave West Milford and only 1% would be sucessful/make it. I really wanted to be part of that 1%. I'm making it. But without a degree (or 3) and more specifically a PHR, I won't be sucessful in my field. And with these grades, ain't nobody gonna wanna take me.

I've been keeping in touch with people from my HS class more. About 5% left. So maybe about 2.5 will be sucessful. Though that still means I'd better kick my ass in high gear. We have the diplomat who will be moving to South Africa in the Spring. The newsreporter in GA. Several people on their way to being CEO's and CFO's and let's not forget those who work in Europe in museums as assistant curators. :( Sheesh.

I was talking with a friend of mine (male) about the statement: "Behind every sucessful man is a good woman." I always said it: "Behind every sucessful man is a good woman in bed" or "Behind every sucessful man is good sex." Mainly because that's about all I can bring to a relationship. I'm not the sharpest tack in the box - see above. But I'm pretty good in the sack. I'm sarcastic to a fault, and loyal and nice. But I"m a lousey housekeeper. I'm not the best cook. I'm not a homemaker. And I don't want kids. In fact a hysterectomy may be closer than people think, but that's for another post. I'm supportive and loving and affectionate. I thrive on humor and good conversation. I'm not jealous or possessive, tho sometimes I get territorial. I value alone/apart time (where good conversation can derive off of), but also like together time, even if that's just snuggled on the couch. I like to travel, alone or together. I have my own job and can support myself, but won't support another financially - unless I have to. But, that person had better be looking...seriously looking.

My friend said I am a good woman. I'm confused. I thought a good woman was someone who kept a nice home, cooked food, had kids and was supportive. Well I guess 1 out of 4 ain't bad.

*sigh*

Catch up

2006-09-03T08:57:00.000-07:00

I'm going to post here what I posted in my LJ these past few weeks. It'll be going backwards. Sorry.

10:04 pm - I can still hear him...
Uncle Ragnar (the Wolf). My 2nd scadian uncle. The only one who retained the title of uncle ... passed away last night. *I'll be sobbing for a while*Party's still on for tomorrow,though now it's a necessity. Somebody bring scotch. We'll have to have a toast in his honour.To those of you who don't know me well - I'm not being cruel. I'm doing what I think he'd want me to do. He was always trying to bring me out of my depressions, any way he could.

Our big thing, especially as I learned to flirt was:

Him: Are you behaving?

Me: Of course!

Him: Ah ha, but how are you behaving?

Me: Badly of course!

This stemmed from:

Him: Are you behaving?

Me: No.

Him: Ah, but I never asked HOW you were behaving. Are you behaving badly?

Me: Of course.

Him: Then you're still behaving.

End with a laugh and a big bear hug. I'm going to go now.

current mood: crushed
current music: harry potter

Tuesday, August 29th, 2006
6:32 pm - I did it! I did it!
I figured out - by ear - the intro to On We Go - by Burlap Lute! Squeee!Oh,
AND I figured out the name of the crocodile dance - Gracca Amoroso AND - Justinian and I will be teaching the ball at Kingdom's Crusades
AND we're BOTH on the list
AND - Justinian and I will be teaching at Wheaton Village. Whoo Italians! SQUEEHappy dancy bits!!!OH OH AND - Either tonight - thursday or BOTH Trehaurn will be at practice.Bounce Bounce Bounce Bounce!
current mood: happy

Monday, August 28th, 2006
5:42 pm - Thanks
Thanks to everyone's kind words. I wound up crying until I passed out last night. Woke up this morning and completely forgot why I was so upset. Remembered about 1/2 way through the day and was like, I don't think I need to tone or lose weight. I asked the Don what he thought - he doesnt' think I need to tone or lose either, though he was upset about how upset I let someone's stupid opinion make me. I'm telling ya, it was such a bad weekend, it was like the straw that broke the camels back.But thanks to everone. I got all teary reading everyone's comments. It's good to know I have that support system. I love you all. current mood: drained

12:47 am - Extra Limited Filter - And no one loves you when you're evil
I got fitted for a new dress today. I'm WAY the fuck out of proportion - 32 chest, 29 waist, 39 hips. I was told - "I could understand if you want to go back to being borderline aneorexic to trim down a bit, but I don't feel comfortable with that suggestion."Okay for those who don't know it, telling a recovering aneorxic something like that is devastating. I've been crying for the past two hours. The only thing that's been calming me down is playing the recorder. I'm going to look into body sculpting... because my hips are huge. Nice child bearing hips (for my size) but otherwise, I'm just a cute little fucking pear. (no tasty jokes for those of you on this list that would make them)I've been doing dance, gymnastics, and leg exercises my WHOLE life - so it's not a surprise. There are certain stretches that don't even strengthen anymore, barely maintain, but they give me the flexibility I need on the fencing list - so I keep them up (like the candlestick pose from yoga, and the side kicks, where you're laying on teh floor and kick up. Sometimes I do scissor kicks and such when I'm board, but generally not.) The other stretches doen't seem to do anything for me - not even when I was younger, so I take what works.I'm a size 8 in pants. I should not be feeling this lousy about my proportions. But, I do. I remember my first dress - my friend Andre tailored for me. My measurements were: 31 chest, 18 waist, 27 hips. I was 97lbs. Now, I'm 125. These are not big numbers - so why do I feel so unattractively huge? Why can't I kick the feeling of just sleeping - until my body dies? Why can't I just think - no, I look fine? Because of something some pattern and it's tailor said? Because I was sick. And because it was implied even ever so slightly that I would look better sick than I do 'healthy'. That I'm not attractive this way. That I'm wrong to be this way. This has just been the weekend for tears, hasn't it? I wish I had draino.
current mood: depressed

Sunday, August 27th, 2006
10:24 am - All I really want
Okay - I have a few things that I really want to happen in my life right now... even if they don't happen RIGHT NOW.Not discussing them here - but if I'm acting bitchy or cranky it's because I have other things going on that affect my life as a whole.I'll leave it at that.
current mood: pissed off

Whoo HOO

2006-07-10T07:26:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was totally awesome - the only way it would have been awsomer is if someone else came with me!

Okay firstly - got to the train station - and paid $20 for parking because I didin't have 3 singles on me! *harumph!* But now I have a bunch of parking tokens for the hamilton train station. Then it took so long to get a ticket (20 min) I missed the initial train I wanted! *oops*

Made a local 'friend' on the train. You know the caliber of people who usually say 'hey I like her - she's a nice complete stranger!' Massive depressive/destructive personality with a daughter and husband with depression and rage issues. *Oh goody*

Got to NYC walked 5 blocks in the exact wrong direction. Then walked another 7 blocks in the RIGHT direction - and wound up only having a $7 cab fare. Got to the event a little late - but so did most people!

Nice turn out - about 20 people. The only other person who had traveled further was peter from An Tir. Very very nice (and cute) and approachable Dance Laurel. I was like - wow you exist? (yes, I said it. Those of you in the dance community know that most dance laurels are pr-icks!) I said MOST. Master Arden (though I think his is for being the knower of musicy things) and a few others are the exception - at least to the ones I've found.

We danced from 3:30 - when I got there, until 10:15. 20 dances in all. And I danced with just about everyone. Don Alexander was pheomenal to dance with. Peter - of course - was a BLAST! All flirty and fun and proper and *sigh* He reminded me a lot of what Elron 20 years earlier probably would have been like. And of course Wilhelm was there - and sicne I thought it bad form to DECK your partner I hit behind my mask quite often. Conandil and I got on quite well - don't know what that's all about. Danced with Keith/Gideon, fun as always. Thomas- the dance master. Nice guy - good dancer - VERY intense - I think pictures were taken. Danced with Llewellyn - very cool. Met his wife - thanks guys I didnt' know Tom was married! And then we get into the range of people I didn't know.

Got a ride to penn station - at which time my train was boarding and took a straight shot home. I was home by 1AM. I loved it. Must train into the city more. And for $18.50 round trip, and only $3 parking. Well damn! Heck I'm done paying for parking!!! at least for 5 more trips!

Oh, yes and an Alice in Wonderland Reference was made! My day was set!

Later all~

The time has come, the walrus said - to have a nervous breakdown

2006-07-01T10:31:00.000-07:00

Okay - I've had crappy weeks in the past- but this week was one of the CRAPPIEST I've had in a phenomenally long time.

Okay - so last weekend I had friends over. And that was good. But I later learned about several people who were uncomfortable because of other people's immaturity. Then other people were pissed at me for having over OTHER people because each thought the other was stuffy, stuck up, too quiet, etc. People fucking grow up! It's a few hours with new people - get to know somebody. If you don't like them, don't talk to them! I'll admit my place isn't big enough to go into another room, but REALLY!! I felt like I was in kindergarden.

Then I got a client of mine poached. The poaching isn't what got to me either. It was the blatent put downs I had to endure, and me - trying to keep everying diplomatic and light - because you just don't cause a scene according to my upbringing. Here's the situation.
Said other MT (Massage Therapist) and I long since came up with boundries - he stays in Western PA, I get NJ and we share Philly. My client has a whole host of issues. I call said client (hereby known as C) my science experiment - C knows that.

So I told the MT to work on C because he's really good with things like this. I thought - it's about C, so whatever works I'm good with. MT does great things for C. All is good. Then I'm suddenly sucked into a conversation of:
*Well, if a massage therapist doesn't know what these muscles are, and what they attach to and where they affect, then their no massage therapist at all.
(I've been out of school for 6 years. I don't use the proper muscle names 9x of 10. But I know what attaches where and what they affect. AND if you say where are the I'll tell you. My brain just works different.)

*You know I (MT) talk to all these new massage therapist, and I"m like how long did you go to school - and their like 9 months. Yea, no. Nobody knows anything after 9 months. You're not fucking touching me if you've only been to school for 9 months. I don't trust you. I don't trust that you know what you're doing. (Just for the record, C agreed with the statement.)
(*raising hand* 9 months. Excelled program 47 hours per week. Two years worth of work in 9 months, but still - 9 months)

It was later pointed out that I"m not good at deep tissue or the physical therapy aspect of massage. I'll give him the PT part. But I thought I was good at deep tissue- at least that's what my clients say. And, it was pointed out that if somebody wants to feel good I'm the person to go to, but if they actually want to get fixed - that I'm just not the best person for that. (I almost cried.) And just for the record, I've worked on said MT about 3x since and including being in school.

I have since turned people to others - when they wanted to know what was going on. People who've been coming to me for years, suddenly heard - I just don't know ... ask so-and-so. I've been turning down and away massages left and right and doubting myself when I am working on people. I've never felt so low about something I've always loved so much.

That alone, would make this week a crappy one. But, let's move on to Monday.

Monday:
I got back an essay I wrote for school - ungraded. It took them 3.5 weeks to tell me that there were issues and to redo it. GAHHHH!!!

Tuesday:
Had to go to Ponzio's for breakfast to wish off a co-worker who's leaving us. Got to work early - forgot about Ponzio's. Got there late.

Had to do the exit interview - yay for me for training. Sucky for the losing of the co-worker though.

A person I once knew showed up at Fencing practice. (practice itself was a blast, btw) I avoided him like the plague- as per usual. Background: He and I almost had a past several times. About 3 years ago I decided flirting was fine, but that's it. He didnt' get it. So I disappeared. About a month ago I met up with him again. It was like old times. I even kissed him and realized there was less than nothing there anymore. Whoo frelling hoo! Well, he thought it was going to be like really old times. And even though I tried to be nice when telling him no -like I"m not in the mood anymore, etc. He just didn't get it. So I started avoiding him again.

Which brings us to Tuesday. He shows up and confronts me on 'what's changed' because apparantly I've been acting 'differently'. I told him nothing changed. And when he smiled I added, except I don't want to sleep with you. He got mad, and said FINE and left. I was like okay, whatever.

So he follows a few of us to Friendlies. When he gets out of the car I'm looking at him like 'You wouldn't be THAT stupid.' Yup, confronted me there. First he was like 'I think I'd better leave.' And I was like 'good idea'. Then he says - but you have to call me because we have to talk about this because you're fucking crazy. I don't know what the fuck your problem is, but you always do this. You always change your mind, and there's just something wrong with you.

When I say I was beyond words - I don't mean I just stood there, helpless. I mean that I very clearly saw myself punching through his skull. To the degree that I almost ran after him to do it.

WHITE RAGE IS BAD!!!

Wednesday:
I got told that my grandfather will be goign through chemo for lung cancer. :(

Got yelled at for reading a book, 'that you shouldn't be reading, because that books' not for you'. Oh go fuck yourself. And thats' about what my response was. Followed by quite a few 'how dare you's, etc. I didn't take that well. Not even a little.

Thursday:
Taking a day off for the holiday got refused.

And I got given a project that should take about 6 hours a day for the next 2-3 years to complete.

Fencing was good, mostly. And I got to talk to a lot of good friends - and soem mead and got to vent A LOT. (thanks Tad, I needed that)

Friday:
I hurt my shoulder somehow and was told at least 3x at work 'too bad you don't know anybody who does massage, ha ha'. Thanks for freaking nothing you bozo's!

I also got told that a very good friend of mine will be moving to Albany. This one I'm totoally torn on. 50% is like WHOO HOO! Go you! totally happy for her, and Me - because this working out for her gives me a lot of hope for my life. However, I haven't made a good female friend in YEARS. Shes' the first I REALLY identify with. And now she's moving far far away. *sniff*

Saturday:
And today I got told that I may have to pay $90 for cable, if Dish Network can't get the satilite to run. (Direct TV said their's a branch in the way.)

I'm late getting to a friend's house.

And she's not going to the club tonight for family reasons.

Italy Part II

2006-06-15T15:34:00.000-07:00

Okay so I'm REALLY behind. But I've been so busy! So I'm doing what I can when I can. When I'm done posting about the way past - I'll post about the current, which will then be the way past!!

Sunday, April 22nd

Zac's been trying to act 'high class' so he's putting his pinky way out. The saying 'pinky's classy' has basically become a joke between the two of us. I know he looks silly, but he's smiling, and he's 14 - so he's supposed to look silly! The smiling is an extra bonus!

It's so weird. The pictures on their bathroom doors: men look the same as the US, but the ladies - their dresses go all the way down to the floor.

Did you know limestone used to be known as white gold? I didn't!

Did you know Italy has the only volcanos on the European continent? I didn't know that either.

We had a really nice dinner complete with live music. Very good guitar and flute players. They said they knew old Italian songs. So I asked for Anello, Rostiboli and Gelosia. Okay, so maybe not that old!

I had a difficult time finding people to take travelers checks. Everybody goes on siesta (lunch/nap) from 11:30-4:30 and goes home at 5:30. I'm figuring their day begins at like 7 or 8 in the morning. I think it's a 27 hour work week - for full time. I know they're bitching in germany because the gov't wants to make a 32 hour work week manditory. I'm like of flip off!
Oh, and let's not forget the starting vacation package of 4 weeks off per year. Okay so where'd America go wrong!?

Okay must go -- obligations and all that

Later!

How well do you know me?

2006-06-15T15:28:00.000-07:00

http://www.quizyourfriends.com/linkquiz03.php?quizname=060612181831-285686&

Don't leave me alone...

2006-05-09T22:08:00.000-07:00

at night...
with a radio on...
with a radio talk show...
with a plot...
and a purpose that I have an opinion on.

because I say things. oy.I blame Kelly. Just because - though i think Kel would be just as shocked at what I said as I think I am, post saying it -of course!

Pictures from Italy

2006-05-07T21:45:00.000-07:00

Here's the family at the Colosseum - I've yet to find a picture where I"m smiling, but I swear I had a good time!!! The Group shot of the whole tour I look miserable, but I wasn't I just didn't know they were taking the picture THEN - all I heard was hey everybody look here (right into the sun, which was 87* that day. I was like 'what?!' and they snapped the picture. Nope, you won't be seeing that one for a while!

Bridge of Sies in Venice. :)

Okay so I haven't got a lot - yet. Give me time!

Rome - Part 1 of the Italy trip

2006-05-07T21:38:00.000-07:00

Pre-Italy
Even before departure there were some snags. For those of you who know my family you'll know who said these immediately... if you don't know my family but you know me, you'll probably be able to figure it out pretty darn quickly.

"Oh no, you have red luggage too? I didn't think anybody else would have red luggage!" (You know, because it's SUCH a rare color!)

"Why would you have day glow handles on your luggage? Someone can just rip them off." (When? When I"m checking in, or when I'm picking them up?")

"I'm going to go smoke under the no smoking sign."

"Can I bring a lighter on the plane?" (Not in your carry on)

"Can I bring matches on the plane?" (Not in your carry on)

"Well then what's the point of me taking a pack of cigarettes? I know, I'll smoke them in the bathroom."

When we got to the airport one member of the party took off their socks and shoes, but their feet in the air and started wiggling their toes, and swinging their feet back and forth. (Just what I wanted to see)

"I was worried about the little one {pointing to me}, but at least she had her brother to help her." (my brother is 11 years my junior)

In Roma"Birds fly funny over here. They fly on their sides and seem to have trouble maintaining velocity." I replied, "Well maybe their carrying coconuts." Nobody got it,but I did get some really strange looks.

Zac (my bro) told me he didnt' know what the Vatican is.

And that he has no idea what 'Shakespearean' plays took place in Verona - I was like - are you sure we're related?

Now about Roma:
Roma is beautiful. The countryside is full of fields of yellow flowers that look like daffodil yellow lavender. The trees look like bonsai trees, but are as tall as maple trees.

The 1st hotle we stayed at is the Beverly Hills Hotel. It had an odd lighting system. The keycard needed to stay in a slot after the door closes or the lights go out and can't be turned back on - even manually.Zac and I spent a lot of time vi-ing for the role of alpha. He's the alpha in his home and he doesn't tend to respoect alpha women - which made the fight (which I took) interesting.We arrived in Roma on Friday morning. I was up and ready to do stuff-but the hotel was in the same area as... ... ... nothing. Roma is an intersting city, but it is sitll a city. Except where we were! I almost walked 5 miles to a museum - but nobody could tell me the museum hours, so I figured 10 mi round trip for nothing would be a waste...so Zac and I went out and walked around.

it was a total waste of 6 hours. Zac and I had lunch in a little cafe across the stree. For an individual pizza w/no cheese, an antipasta and 2 sodas it was E18. I really wish someone explained you had to pay for seating (in/outdoors) and more if there was a view - BEFORE I paid. Sheesh. Don't get me wrong, the food was great, but sheesh.Also, a good tip - it's REALLY REALLY hard to exchange US travellers checks in Italy. Some places will do it, but many won't...it's not like the UK that way.

I missed a lot of things about London - specifically Ed's understanding of the history, and Jim & Amy's company. I thought about them the whole time, and wished that they were there with me - 1) so I wouldn't be so damn lost all the time and the other two because we had the best adventures, and I'm sure we could have had more in Italy!

We had a meet and greet, when people decided waking up was acceptable. 4 or so single women; 0 single men. :( But there were 3 people from NJ, 1 from East Brunswick (Carol/Ralph), 1 from Vineland (Mary Ellen), and 1 from Pine Hill (Marge) -- yes, 3 miles down the road from me!

The dinner was delish! 4 courses: antipasta, stuffed pasta, pasta w/spinich and mushrooms, salmon and rum cake for dessert. Zac had 3 expresso's with sugar and wondered why he couldn't sleep. Bonehead.The waiter (very cute and charming) was handing out roses and kisses. One of the women (married) came up to give him a 'real' kiss. It was wimpy, but okay. I teased (C) because she just couldn't wrap her head around why a married woman would kiss another man - and what's wrong in their relationship. I told her it was just for fun and to get over it. (Then turned my brain off for the rest of the week) -

I am a normal, straight, single, ungifted, monogamous person - well at least I was in Italy. I was a very interesting - not very me person. It was odd.

Saturday, April 22, 2006

We went to the Vatican and the Sistine Chapel. The walls outside were immense with water marks reaching near the top from where a flood had hit several hundred years ago. There was a ... individual asking for money that looked like he had been scalped. It was seriously disgusting - some people took pictures, but the image has been burned into my mind - I couldn't imagine HOW he got that injury (a large round chunk of flesh was out of his head - you couldn't see skull but the wound was deep nd you could see muscle - ick), and I wouldn't want anybody else to have to see it either.

We got the 45 min tour of the hallway of the vatican after the hour walk up stairs where in the phrases "I always knew I'd get to heaven, I just didn't think I'd have to walk there" and "Is this Hell?" were uttered.

The Sistine Chapel was art overload - beautiful art, but it was EVERYWHERE, every inch of the TEENY chapel was covered in beautifuly detailed art. It was also so packed we were BEYOND shoulder to shoulder. It was like getting to know the people around you intimatly without getting their names first. And then they opened another chapel that was supposed to be closed so EVERYONE tried to rush out this one tiny little door in the back which damn near caused people to get trampled on. Just insane. We were told how Michaelangelo got the 'bid' for the Chapel.

Apparantly (according to our tour guide) the Vatican's main artist saw the up and coming M as a threat so he said for the Vatican to use him for the chapel,instead of the Pope's tomb which M was already working on. M had never done fresco, so the head guy thought that this would ruin M. Instead M taught himself fresco - which is why in the back of the chapel the work is smaller and not as detailed as the front, because M's work got bigger as he got more confident. I don't know how true the story is, but it was interesting none-the-less.T

hen we went to Regina Chelli Prison - the oldest prison in Roma. It just about came alive when you walked in. THe same dank dark dusty air, with the glimmer (but not quite) of sunlight.

Roma also has the best limone (lemon) gelatti in Italy. I say this because I tried a LOT to get the kind I liked the best --- every town, at least 1 place, and it was the bestest hands down.

Word to the wise - DON'T DRIVE IN ROMA - or ANYWHERE in Italy for that matter - well not unless you have a SERIOUS death wish! Walking anywhere near the street could be hazardous to your health as well! Our tour guide told us: Just close your eyes and walk. Most of the time they stop.

Gack!

I saw an ancient mall. Well it was an empty buiding, but THEN it had over 150 shops... I think that's about as big if not bigger than the mall of America. Cool.. :)The colluseum was huge! I think the measurments were (I looked htem up and then promptly forgot) 615 ft x 510 ft around (it's egg shaped) and 158 ft tall. That's like a 12-15 story building. The base of the building covers about 6 acres.

St. Peters was nice. but very very GOLD. Like a bit of overkill on that gold. HOwever the domes were gorgeous and our tour guide knew SO much. He tired to tell us but most of us were just tuning him out - myself included!

The Pathenon was small empty space, with tombs along the walls. It looked HUGE from the outside, but not so much from the inside. The whole think took 30 minutes and that was taking our time.More to come another night. (I was there for a full more week) but I'm so beat, I have to get some sleep!

I'M IN COLLEGE!!!!

2006-04-12T20:17:00.000-07:00

Okay so here's the deal. When I started my vo-tech school I was in Thompson's Education Direct for an Associate in Specialized Business, for Paralegal Studies. I'm currently in the last class of my 2nd semester after 2 years of part time school. Very cool.So, about 6 months ago, I get told that they're changing the name to Penn Foster Career School. Sounds like an actual school now, so I'm all sorts of impressed, and it's not so embarassing to have to explain because it sounds like what it is.

SO....Today I got a letter. I thought it was for me to pay the proctor for my final exams - since those are coming up when I get back from Italy. I open it. It reads:

Dear Nicole:
I am pleased to inform you that we recently became licensed in Arizona as Penn Foster College. Under ths new name we have been authorized to aware Associate of Science Degrees. All students in our degree programs will now become part of Penn Foster College. We are very excited.... blah blah blahI"M IN COLLEGE!!!!!!!!!

Hey, maybe they'll even start offering Bachelors Degree programs, then I don't have to transfer much except change my major to HR management, which is an associates degree they already offer.

Bounce! Bounce! Bounce! Bounce! Bounce! Bounce! Bounce! Bounce! Bounce! Bounce! Bounce! Bounce! Bounce! Bounce! Bounce! Bounce! Bounce!

Culture Shock

2006-04-03T15:49:00.000-07:00

So, I went back 'home' - read to West Milford, this past weekend. I remember more and more reasons why I left almost everytime I go back... alright lets start at the very beginning (song cue: a very good place to start...end song cue)So, I leave work on Friday and take the long way to Sandies (song cue: it's a long way home....it's a long way home....end song cue). I didn't mean to take the long way, but something in my head said Route 1 would be faster than than Tpke. I don't know what I avoided, but I certainly took my time doing it. So I FINALLY get to her place, and I see Kellie. I love Kellie (see spelling because there are 2 Kel's in this story and they both spell their name's differently). I miss Kellie... I met Kellie in HS, about 2 years before I met Sam - and about 5 years after I met Sandie...so my world imploded a bit - okay a lot - but a bit none the less. I got there just in time to kiss the twins goodnight and help try to put them to bed. Yea, okay... did you see the operative word in that sentence? Try. Turns out the twinnies were sick and they CRIED! And when one would go to sleep the other would wake her up, and then little Sara started and I was like 'whoa'. 4 hours of visiting 3 hours were crying, but it happens. I got to catch up with Kellie, which was good. I almost felt myself rubbing my temples into hour two, but then I remembered ld_lorenzo, who tells how much it ticked him off when an ex-girlfriend of a friend of his did that when his son was little - so I apologized and went back to talking with Kellie and watching that 70's show.

After I got out of there, I really wasn't ready to go home, so I went to my ... ... friend Cindy's. I knew she would be at her parent's neighbor's house for his b-day party. So I showed up, totally surprising her - it's been about a year since we've seen eachother and about 8 months since we've spoken. We caught up - she helped me out with a lot of stuff that's going on in my life now that I have no frelling clue what to do about. My life has lent itself to a lot of interesting situations, but the ones' I'm in now - HER life has taught her how to deal with, so now she's helping me deal with mine. I felt so out of place, wearing my work clothes - which included an oversized pooh bear sweatshirt. So, we go over to Ted's (her neighbor) and we are about to go through the front door, when she swings me around and tells me that she didnt' want me to go in there without some warning. Apparantly my ex-boyfriend was in there hanging out. Now, when I say ex, you may think from like 5-7 years ago...but no, she's talking about a fellow I dated when I was 14!! I broke up with him 12 years ago. I'm like he's here?! And I'm so excited to see him...well he wasn't so excited to see him. Including ignoring me saying hello-etc. Apparantly he still feels some of it - from 12 years ago. Frelling odd. but, we'll get to that.

So I'm lookign around, and Cindy's pointing out all the 'red-neck things'. ANd I'm trying to pretend that this doesn't freak me out near as much as it does. Okay FLASHBACK song cue: Twist the bones and bend the back...end song cue:In HS I wanted to be invited to these parties...they were the outcast parties, in the back woods, where people smoke, drank, etc in black and talked about how much they hated their parents and their life and the school and how they were getting out of there someday.Flash Forward: With a few exceptions I looked at the same group of people - 10 years later, telling me that their lives were set, and this was all they were ever going to become...at 24-35. Ted is the only one in his 40's. It was so sad.

Oh, and let's not forget the ambiance:
3 fires going: one in a metal rimmed can, one in a wood burning stove that used to be indoors, but is now outdoors and one in the fire pit... yes, an actualy 20x30 fire pit.
Hundreds (no exaggeratioin) of blocks of chopped wood 'for the winter'.
A bug zapper I could fit in if I curled up (I have a picture of this thing, it's huge)
A half up volley ball net
A rusty storage shed
A motorcycle that doesn't run
2 Quads- because two were in the woods (being used)
One sports car was broken down, but Scott was able to fix that. I watched him, it was cool.
2 homemade benches - read a stump on either end, and a piece of wood GLUED across.

Okay, now that you're there with me...They decide that they want to make something go kaboom. So two of the people (Ted and Shock (Cindy's husband) do this for a living and Gary (my ex) has charges in his truck. I can't explain what they did, but it made a mushroom cloud of fire bolt out of that fire pit and make a big boom. I screamed, I'll admit it. The 2nd time they did it, the fire went out more than up - and there was no earth shatterng kaboom... which was good because the neighbors were hacked. Oh, did I mention they did this at 1AM?

Next day:Went to the bridal shower with mom, which was very nice.
Went out to dinner with mom, which was very nice.
Met up with Kelly and Melanie for Dairy Queen. Which rocked! I wish I could see them more often, I miss them so much!
Wished I could call Sandie to meet us, but I knew she wouldn't be able to get out. But, still it was awesome seeing Melanie and Kelly.
For 2 hours we were 3 peas in a pod, just like we used to be. :)

Next day:I went back to Sandies' and played with little Sara Rose - shes' too darn cute! The twins were napping, but at least that gave sandie and I time to catch up. Then I came back south and continued my odd ways. But I'm still like 'huh?' about friday night. That was just too frelling strange for me. I used to want to be these people, and now for the life of me I can't remember why.

Interesting weekend

2006-03-26T19:52:00.000-08:00

Well I had an interesting day... well weekend really. So here's how it goes.Friday I had someone pick up my loveseat and entertainment unit. Very nice lady, and her best friend. They even helped me get set up, and helped me change a lightbulb that I can't reach! I then went to a friends house to hang out. He'd received some really bad news, and I wanted to be there for him...even if I was late. (the lady didnt' show until 9:30P)

Then yesterday I had a fun day of doing NOTHING. :) I had people over in the afternoon/evening. And then a bunch of us went to Ulana's where we were told that Ulana (owner of the club) had been awarded the position of diplomat for the state of PA. Hope that doesn't affect the club - but WAY frelling cool for her. Also, I got to see Patrick Rodgers of Dancing Ferret (and the goth community) be presented with a certificate from the mayor of Philly. That was frelling AWE-SOME!!! AND Patrick was caught flat footed. An exceedingly rare occurance. But it was good to see him there. He doesn't come to Ulana's much - he used to, but I'm sure he's got other things keeping him busy. Patrick is what we call gothic royalty. Not only is he one of the most respected figures in the goth community - he's earned it. And not by my goth's blacker than your goth either. Here's more info on him: http://www.darkecho.com/darkecho/archives/rodgers_ferret.html

Unfortunatly my knee 'gave out'. If you know my history with my knees I"ll just say my Stromberg's kicked in. And my knee was none too pleased. I wound up having to spend the night at a friends house, because the choice was sleep there - or sleep in the car, because my knee would have totally frozen by the time I got home, and there would have been no peeling me out of the car.

So I went to Footlighters today. I got to watch the Trial of Goldilocks from the tech box, and ran the lighting for the 2nd show. Of course, in all actuality that meant, I pushed a button when Andrew told me to. And we still were 1 behind. I'm not sure when that happened - but he said it happens. I was also invited to the cast party, and have a playbill with my name in it as one of the costumers. Cool beans :)Most people were very nice. I'm going to try to make it to the into the woods practice tomorrow - after the massage I'm giving. I just have to double check with Butch.

Then after that I went home to shower, change, eat and print out my ticket to see George Carlin tonight. My printer ran out of ink. I had 45 minutes until I had to leave. So I ran to office max - which was closed. Apparently they close at 5 on Sunday. So I ran to Target where I paid double for the ink. (Usually I pay $20, I paid $40). I ran home, printed the ticket - ate 10 chicken nuggets in 3 minutes (I know I watched the clock) then saw George Carlin.

He did great political and social satire, but his his humor was downright crass a lot of times. I like the old him better. And that sucks - because I've wanted to see him for 14 years. But at least I got to see him. And he was funny at least part of the time. He did some of his old routines, and some of his new stuff (including the political satire) was hysterical. Dennis Blair opened for him. This guy is a hoot. The dude sitting next to me, who tried to pick me up (like including walking me to my car) says that he has a few cd's out there. I'm going to have to pick him up. Great comedy. Good singer. Plays bass. Cute... wait, not where I wanted to go with this!

So now I"m home, heating up the rest of my dinner. I hope a warmed up baked potato isn't too bad. I'll watch a little harry potter, and go to sleepies. Maybe get a little studying in, but I figure that'll be what I do between 5-5:30 tomorrow, then the massage, then footlighters (maybe I'll bring it to footlighters) then I'll do some homework.And then an hour of painting at footlighters on Tuesday, before fencing. And then possibly after sushi on wednesday. Sheesh.I may have to cancel one or both of those days - but we'll see. I'm going to try not to, but like I said we'll see - okay I'm goign to go eat my reheated potato now.

Okay I should be back at work by now...

2006-03-24T10:01:00.000-08:00

I'm home for a while waiting for my furniture to arrive. I should probably eat lunch too, since I"m missing it. I'm trying to rid myself of my loveseat and entertainment until before (or soon after) the new ones arrive. I'm only asking $30 for each of them. And they're in good shape, tho the loveseat is vintage, and I'm just having no luck selling them, which I think is stinky. But, I'll curb them tonight if I have no biters by then. I've posted them on ebay, if anybody wants to take a look.

http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=4450586902&rd=1&sspagename=STRK%3AMESE%3AIT&rd=1

http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=4450582972&rd=1&sspagename=STRK%3AMESE%3AIT&rd=1

My DVD player just died. It's been freezing and skipping lately, but it just ate the DVD. Don't ask. So now I have to spend MORE money I didn't want to. I don't like the ones at Target. Let's see about Walmart. Yup. For $35 http://www.walmart.com/catalog/product.do?product_id=3163040

So, I had a thought the other day. Scary, no? Anyway, I was trying to figure out when I went from the kid who was, picked on, spit on, who people thew gum and food at, hit with doors, ganged up on, publically humilated, etc - to not only having one or two friends (Thanks Sandie and Kelly) but having several. Even so much that an outsider looking at my social calendar could call me popular. Ow, that hurt to write! I don't mean like the coolest kid on the block - far from it... maybe the coolest goth on the block, but if you've seen my block then you know that's not hard. But, I certainly have friends, and thinking about middle school no longer causes me to outright cry. Wonder when I grew up.

I saw the One Tree Hill I was talking about the other week. I actually took down quotes. They have some really REALLY awesome ones.

The title of the episode was: "With Tired Eyes, Tired Minds, Tired Souls, We Slept" - just like the Song by Explosions in the Sky

"It gets better. That pain in your stomach. That pain in your heart. The voice in your head, that goes away. It gets better."

"My best day was when nobody noticed I was there. And that's sad."

Mouth: I was in the A/V room and I come out and it's like Dawn of the Dead.

Abby Brown: What's wrong with you? He's just a kid. We're all just kids and we just have this life and the things you say and do, we feel that. How can you have so much hate in your heart? How can you act like it doesn't matter? It does matter. What happened to us? We're just kids. We can't be like this. It's not possible.

Ah - what I so wanted to say to those rich gossiping snobs.
Jimmy: You think so. You really think I am the only one. Then ask yourself this. Have you ever treated someone like crap in this school or left anyone out? Have you ever broken up with someone in the time it takes to pass a note and disappear? Or talk trash behind their back? Or maybe you just ignored it all? You know why you worry about the big game or the prom or the bake sale for the pep club. You ask yourself that and then you tell me if there is anyone else out there. --

This one reminded me of well myself - and my friends...
Mouth: It's not suppose to be this way. The artists, and the scientists, and the poets - none of them fitted in at 17. We're suppose to get passed it. Adults - they see kids killing kids, and they know it's a tragedy because they used to be those kids - the bullies, and the beaten, and the loners. We're supposed to get passed it. You're supposed to live long enough to take it back. Just take it back.

This is between Keith (the mentor-from what I can figure- to Jimmy - the outcast) just before Jimmy shoots himself.
Keith: I'm not gonna leave you here son. I'm not gonna do that and i'll tell you why. Cause I've been there. I've bought the gun, and i planned on using it ok. I've been there. And I wanna tell you something, It gets better.
Jimmy: Not this, it can't.
Keith: It does Jimmy. That pain in your stomach, that pain in your heart, it goes away. That voice in your head thats saying there's no way out, it's wrong Jimmy. Would you please, please just believe me. It gets better.
Jimmy: It won't! Not after this! I cant take this back! I can't erase this! (starting to cry) She's gonna die.
Keith: You don't know that.
Jimmy: I just... I wanted... I wanted them to leave me alone. I just.... I wanted them to like me.
Keith: I understand son. It's what we all want. Thats all any of us want.
Jimmy: I'm not here..... I'm not here.
Keith: Jimmy please..... it's gonna be ok son... it's gonna be ok.
Jimmy (pounding on his chest): But it hurts! It hurts! It always hurts!
Keith: I know..... please... please....
Jimmy: I'm sorry......
Keith: NOOOOO!!!!!!!

Okay this really tore me up the last time - and got to me again. I didn't buy the gun. But what Jimmy's saying - yea....I've been there. I've felt that. Especially the 'I'm not here'. It was like a song I used to sing... "I don't want the world to see me, cause I don't think that they'll understand. When everything's meant to be broken, I just want you to know who I am." which continues into "when everything feels like the movies, you bleed just to know your alive." Which is actually how I felt when I started cutting.

Lucas: Does this darkness have a name? This cruelty, this hatred, how did it find us? Did it steal into our lives, or did we seek it out and embrace it? What happened to us? That we now send our children into the world like we send young men to war... Hoping for their safe return... But knowing that some will be lost along the way. When did we lose our way? Consumed by the shadows, swallowed whole by the darkness. Does this darkness have a name? Is it your name?

At the end - before the monolouge, but after Jimmy (the outcast who holds the school hostage) kills himself, God Bless the Child is playing softly in the background, while you see everyone's reactions to the gun shot. (both in and outside of the school)

Just wow. And at 9PM on the WB too.

Okay I'm suppoed to be at work NOW. They can come any time now... sigh. Damn furniture people.

Modelling & Dracula's Ball

2006-02-18T08:48:00.000-08:00

So, i went shopping last night and bought a cute top for the ball tonight. I just need to go to wilson's leather and get a new leather skirt, because I can't find my other one - which of course I'll find when I buy the new one, but I guess it's not bad to have two. The shirt is cute, but I also need to head somewhere and get a strapless bra - one that acutally stays up, because I don't quite fill out the shirt. I fixed my leather jacket - it ripped horribly - and you can barely tell. I have the lace up boots and the fishnets, so I'm mostly ready to go.

I'm also pickign up an MP3 player today. I've wanted one for a while and my cd player finally died it's horrible death, so I figured it was time. I haven't CC'ed anything in a long time so I figure to keep the credit going I"ll have to put it on that. :( I hate those things. Though what am I saying, most of my outfit for the ball will be cc'ed including the damn leather skirt.
I was going to do what I usually do for the ball, elegance. But I thought it was time for a hcange and a firend of mine told me to do hard core...well I don't OWN hard core, so I'm buying it. *sigh* I hope wilson's is haivng a good sale, for the weekend. That would rock.

So, I had my photoshoot on Wednesday. It went really well. Ken (my photographer) has posted a few of the shots (4 pages worth, but the black and whites aren't up yet). Here are some of the best (I think):
http://i49.photobucket.com/albums/f266/kennorcross/PICT5604.jpg

http://i49.photobucket.com/albums/f266/kennorcross/PICT5707.jpg

http://i49.photobucket.com/albums/f266/kennorcross/PICT5746.jpg

http://i49.photobucket.com/albums/f266/kennorcross/PICT5578.jpg

http://i49.photobucket.com/albums/f266/kennorcross/PICT5471.jpg

http://i49.photobucket.com/albums/f266/kennorcross/PICT5829.jpg

http://i49.photobucket.com/albums/f266/kennorcross/PICT5425.jpg

http://i49.photobucket.com/albums/f266/kennorcross/PICT5313.jpg

http://i49.photobucket.com/albums/f266/kennorcross/PICT5483.jpg

http://i49.photobucket.com/albums/f266/kennorcross/PICT5780.jpg

I have it - in writing that I can use them as I wish, so nobody worry about copyrights!

Later!

Modelling

2006-02-01T19:18:00.000-08:00

So, I used to model. Nothing too professoinal, but I did have a professional (and internationally known) photographer. I had 2 of my pictures published (one in a magazine/one in a book) and I have 2 of my 'parts' pictures up on my photographer's website. Parts pictures are ones only of parts of the body. In this case, both were of my hands.

I was going to do a show in a few weeks, but decided not to when I went on the website. The pamphlet I received spun it as a runway walk, judged, to get your name as a model out there. The website said that it's really the 'Miss Sunburst Pagent', where you get to stand in line, walk to the center of the stage, do 2-3 poses and then say something interesting about yourself in 15-30 seconds. Yea, I don't think so. But, at a friends suggestion, I did get myself onto a site called model mayhem, where you post your pics and photographers in your area seek you out. I've gotten 6 offers already, all for paying gigs in the area... and unlike some of my shoots from the past - these are clothed. Some pose with lingere - which I'd be willing to do again - that was a TON of fun...and it's not something that can come back and stab me in the back. Nude modeling can come off as porn, instead of erotica or art. Clothed in lingere or a bathing suit, protects you a little more. And now that i'm going into HR more than massage it's really not against a code of ethics or anything either. (I know because I actually discussed this with my HR director!!!)

Men, stop reading here....women continue if you don't mind some oversharing:

On another note I've been having some weird womanly stuff going on lately. I've been gassy, bloated, migrained and crampy - I've been tossing and turning because of the discomfort sleeping (cramps mostly) but damned if I'm bleeding. Nothing, not a drop. I feel like Ishould be in my 1st or 2nd day - but the feeling doesn't go away and the blood doesn't come. I got a tubal last year, so I should be okay really - but I almost want to get a pg test for peace of mind.

GAH -

Yes, this is probably caused by stress, and I've been trying to have a good cry to get the stress out - but to no avail. Dance hasn't worked, studying, researching, a nice hot shower/bath, massage, sleep, relaxation, playing music - nothing's helped relax me. I'm not scared - like 'omg i'm pg' but I'm like 'okay can we just get this over with already?' I'm sick of feeling off, and I'm tired of it all, and I just want to bleed!!!

It's times like this I don't want to wait until I'm 36 to have a hysterectomy. However, the only medical way for a hysterectomy would be for another show of the precancer, and you know, I' think I'd rather skip that!

okay end icky rant.

laters.

Saturday night

2006-01-30T16:55:00.000-08:00

So here I was thinking that it was going to be just a quiet night at the club. Ha! That is what I say to that: HA!

Okay, so I meet at Mike's - my friend Steve is already there. We head over to the club. Normal stuff, chat, park the car, walk the few blocks, get carded and make fun of the bouncer - even though this week he told me he remembered me and that he won't card me anymore -because like we agreed: I don't get younger every week!

So we step inside, and Jim, Kelly, Charles and Coker are there. Cool. We say hellos and I go into the next room to say hi to Tom and Christianne, and get a drink. Tom and Chris aren't there, so I turn to Autumn (the bartender) and have an ameretto and coke - which she makes a DAMN good one, if I do say so myself. So I bring it back into the main room and sit down in between Steve and Charles. I watched someone who I've been looking at (like: wow, he's cute) walk across the dance floor. I turned to Steve who was like - you're drinking? And I was like, Yea and I may do it more if he (pointing to said guy) turns me down for a dance. (Said guy is now sitting at the bar in the dance room; on the opposite side of the floor.) A good set starts playing and Charles, Mike and I go out to bop. I start bopping towards the guy, but I just can't get up enough gusto to actually ask him to dance. I keep checking him out - making it PAINFULLY obvious that I"m checking him out - but he doesn't see me. (Story of my life.) So I'm doing the bopping thing and I start thinking about my friend Kelly. We used to have the ideal of who we'd become when we grew up. I'm not a far stretch from mine, except she has the confidence that I lack. So for the first time in years, I become Eve. And I bop.

I keep bopping throughout most of the rest of the set. Then suddenly I get the courage to pull him onto the dance floor. I take it while it's there, and whirl around, grab his hands and ask him to dance. Which he declines. I ask again, he says he's sorry, but no. I turn around - trying not to look at stupid as I feel and go back to bopping. The song is about to end when said guy walks up to me and says that it's nothing personal and that it's not me, but he doesn't like to dance. The set ends and I go back to the bar with him and we start chatting.... Well really we start screaming because we can't hear each other over the music. He bought me another Ameretto and Coke - mind you I still had barely sipped the first one, which was still waiting by my friends. I downed that one pretty fast. I became more flirty, and totally Lorelei (if you watch Gilmore Girls, you'll understand). The conversation starts to drag as he runs out of questions to ask me and things to say. The conversation becomes a little one sided. A really REALLY good song comes on, so I go out to dance more. I return to my friends after the dance.

Later, M (the initial used for club guy) winds up sitting with me and my friends. He had a few more things to say, and was a bit more interesting. Unfortunatly I couldn't devote all my time to him - it's just so not my fashion. He introduced me to a few more regulars and I feel a little more a part of the club - I know that probably sounds odd but I was in a good space and it's the way it made me feel. At the end of the night, M gets my number - and yes I gave him the real one. I toyed with the idea of giving him a fake but I see him every week AND we have mutual friends (I come to find) so I couldn't make bad blood over something as simple as this.

Cool Not bad overall.

Wait, I'm not finished.

So, I hadn't eaten all day. (It was just one of those, i woke up late, and had work to do then got busy then stressed and suddenly it's 2AM and I'm hungry at a club. I got wawa but the sandwich was so gross I couldn't finish it.) So, I tell Mike I want pizza. He says cool and we all (except for M, Jim and Kelly) go to Lorenzo and Son's a pizza place on South Street. (Think the Village in NYC, but longer.) South Street is where the goths come out at night. We're standing on line for the pizza, and Mike's telling me that this place runs like the Soup Nazi in Seinfeld, so I'm like whoa... so Mike says he'll order first to show me how it's done.

While we're waiting on line there are a few bike cops keeping the line to one side of the sidewalk so that it doesn't block sidewalk traffic. There was a cute punk chick who got told to go across the street for some reason. She went without too much of a fuss. Then there's a 2nd chick who was like two ft too far onto the sidewalk. So the cop tells her to either get in line or go across the street. She says she's not in line and she's just talking to her friend. He repeats his request - to which her reply is 'you're just a bike cop, you can't make me.' Not a wise statement. Okay it was a downright stupid statement, but I was trying to be nice. The cop leaves the sidewalk and she follows him into the street, where he proceeds to tell her that she can't talk to him like that and she needs to learn to respect the law. She continues to say that he can't do anything because he's just a bike cop but FINE - and goes to walk across the street. What a surprise he didn't let her go. In a matter of moments she starts screaming for him to let go of her and saying he can't touch her (he was holding her wrist and starting to place her under arrest). Suddenly like 3 more bike cops and a car arrives. They search her back pack and her purse. A uniformed cop starts talking to her - in tones I can't make out. All of the sudden she yells 'He never told me that' and when the bike cop says he did, she screams in his face, YOU'RE A LIAR!! *sigh* so they continue with the arrest, which she's resisting so much that it's taking 3 cops to try to cuff her.

While this is going on, people in line are starting to yell out things. The cops are mostly ignoring them. One girl tried to shut them up because she was afraid that they'd get pissed and detain or worse -arrest-the lot of us. They didnt' listen to her. We didn't get detained either, so I guess it's okay.

Suddenly the guy standing like 4 feet to my left looks at his belt like he phone just started vibrating. He grabs his phone and starts pressing buttons -presumably to check to see who just called. Bike cop 2 comes up to him pitching a fit and grabs the phone away from him. He threatens to smash the phone and berates the guy for 'taking pictures'. The guy was like I'm calling my WIFE. And the police officer gives him his phone back and continues on with the 'I dont' want my picture taken' shpeal. So the guy was like I odn't have a camera in this, and BC2 makes him prove it and they go through the phone together. That seemed to be calmed down when the line started moving again.

According to the friends who stayed outside - the girl was screaming all they into the car. Yee rah.

While we were in the pizza place some guy behind us said that when he yelled 'what's the crime' at the cops BC2 yelled back - if you don't like it go to Canada. I hear Montreal is very nice. (Sadly, if I hadn't heard the cop yell it, I probably wouldn't have believed it.)

Quite an eventful night overall.

I"m late I'm late...

2006-01-29T09:18:00.000-08:00

I'm about a hour late for lunch so I'll blog about last night later - and MY are there things to blog!!!! :)

Not much time...

2006-01-28T17:59:00.000-08:00

I don't have much time to post. I'm running late as it is!

I had a new massage client today - he left a $10 tip!! You have no idea how rare it is for massage therapists to get tips - people seem to think that they pay enough for the massage. But, a two-five dollar tip is avg for people leaving. He must have really enjoyed it for the $10!!! He said it was the best massage he ever had! :) So, he says he'll be back - and tell his wife to come as well. I'll take the compliment and hope for the rest. People always have the best intentions - but coming back only seems to happen 1 out of 6 times. (And that's from other massage therapists too, so I know it's not just me!!)

I'm also about 1/3 of the way there to saving for my new loveseat. I got the sofa bed last October, but I really don't like the clashing loveseat, so I'm hoping to be ready for that purchase by May. I would like it sooner, but I'm saving for Italy in April, so I figure the loveseat will probably have to wait until afterwards.

K- have to do my nails and get my butt out of here.. I'm meeting people at Mikes and we're doing Ulana's tonight. It's all good.

I'll post more (if I remember) later!

New Instruments - YAY

2006-01-22T14:24:00.000-08:00

So, Arden loaned me a recorder at EK 12th night, because I've been trying the find one. I'm having a bit of an issue closing up the bottom holes, because the the smallness (and untrainedness) of my fingers... so the D and C are coming out funny. However, I put a bid on a really nice one on Ebay, certainly the same/similar however the finger holes appear smalller -and what with small fingers and all...but super yay... I've ALMOST got Belle Qui! I can get through it with few problems without the music and those problem spots seem worse when I play with because - of course- everythign else keeps going, then I get nervous and start screwing up my air!However, I've been offered the chance to play with the branslers - when I get good enough - so i'm really pushing for good enough. Now here's the 'have a goal but don't stress about it' - everytime I screw up I can almost see woodwindy or mamagrainne cringing, and my brain is like 'see you're screwing up everybody else'... but I'm sitting alone at my computer reading the music off the screen. I'm also really amazed to watch my fingers... I know that probably sounds strange, but I remember playing the recorder when I was younger. I'd sit in my room for hours and coach (and belittle) myself until I got through my entire recorder book perfectly. I'm trying not to put that kind of pressure on myself again, but I like watching my fingers start to remember things and pretty music come out. :)It's almost like with the piano- my fingers want to remember, but my brain keeps getting in the way. I still have the new flute too... but those keys need new pads and then when I get those changed THEN I'll be able to start with that. I was getting really good until I twisted a finger trying to keep a hole closed that wouln't on it's own. Next, the insturment I've ALWAYS wanted to learn... the oboe. This will be my first reed instrument. THEN the violin - the other one I've always wanted to learn. YAY learning!!! :)

well I'm up...

2006-01-22T12:59:00.000-08:00

So, I finally decided to start one of these here... I have one on LJ, but I figured this is the only wahy myself and one of my closest friends can keep in touch anymore. Well it's good enough for me until our lives become a little less hectic - or we learn to cope with them better, I'm not sure of which!!

I'm up and not ready for the day (at 4PM). I had a rather busy weekend - thursday (through the night) took care of a sick friend, friday work, then a party for another friend, then on Saturday ANOTHER party for another friend, then clubbing - an argument afterwards (at 3AM, good time for an arguement -don't you think?) and finally home and to bed. Now I'm off to a massage and then a dinner party and then work tomorrow. Sadly I'm looking forward to work - it's far less hectic than my personal life!